Chapter 4,

Smack, I was woken up once again in the middle of the night door my two-year-old daughter's tiny feet kicking me in the face as she slept. I know what you're thinking; why is she not sleeping in her own bed yet? The answer to that vraag is that I just can't handle listening to her cry! It's the worst thing in the world and it's easier just to give in to her! I can tell that Grace is just dying to rub the fact that she might be right in my face! I like the dynamic that Grace and I have because she keeps her distance when I'm home. Usually I send her down to see her family when my work schedule isn't too busy and I have time off to watch Alanna as a single parent. I like how Grace gives me complete control over anything to do with Alanna. I was really worried that she would be too overpowering and insist that things be done her way! A lot of my other celebrity vrienden that have kids complain about how their nanny likes to be in control when it comes to how they raise their children. That's definitely not the case with Grace because the seconde I get home pagina from any of my business obligations that day, she retreats up to her room and lets me be Alanna's daddy! Grace knows that there are boundaries when it comes to being a nanny! Basically 85% of the time I'm paying her just to keep her distance; but she is definitely not complaining about that! In her words "it's the easiest paycheck she's ever earned!"

I was able to go back to sleep after Alanna had stopped kicking me in the face and I was hoping she wouldn't start up again! A few hours later at around 8 AM, I got out of bed and that caused Alanna to wake up. I picked her up and zei "good morning sleepyhead! u ready to go downstairs?" She rubbed her eyes and shook her head in agreement. I changed her out of her pajamas and carried her downstairs to the keuken-, keuken table. I placed her in the booster zitplaats, stoel that now replaced her high chair and I poured a bowl of "fruit loops." I put it down in front of her on top, boven of the placemat which had all the letters of the alphabet printed on it. I sat down volgende to her and she moved the bowl out of her way. I pointed down at the placemat and asked "do u remember what letter your name starts with? Remember which one I showed you?" She pointed down at the "A" and I zei "very good!" Then she zei "then the other name is a 'J' name!" I zei "that's right; Jackson does start with that letter! I'm surprised u remembered! Your full name is Alanna Michael Jackson!"

After she was done eating, I helped her get down from the tafel, tabel and we went into her play room. I asked "what do u want to do today Alanna?" She zei "daddy, I don't like it when u call me that!" I asked confused "call u what?" She zei "Alanna" and I asked "you don't? Then what do u want me to call you?" She zei "call me AJ! I like that better because it's not a girlie name daddy!" I asked "you don't want to be daddy's princess?" She zei with a disgusted look on her face "no; princesses are boring daddy!" I chuckled and zei "well then; I'm glad u clarified that for me because I wasn't aware that princesses are boring!" She zei "especially snow white daddy because she doesn't sing good at all!" I almost doubled over in laughter because of how serious and adamant my daughter was about her irritation with the Disney princesses. I do think it's a little weird though because most two-year-old girls love anything to do with princesses! I guess my two-year-old is an exception to that stereotype.

***

I crept up the stairs and up to Alanna's bedroom door because it was extremely quiet. Quietness usually means she's up to no good and quite frankly I didn't know if I wanted to know what she was doing. I slowly pushed the door open and was stunned door what I saw. My mouth dropped open as I asked slowly "what – did – u – do?" She looked up at me with scissors in her hands and a HUGE chunk of her beautiful blonde hair missing off the side of her head! I gently turned her head with my hand and just shook my head in disbelief. I walked out of the room and calmly zei "um grace; I think u may want to come see this." She smiled and asked "why? What's going – oh my God!!!" She chuckled and that made me start to laugh as I zei "why are we laughing? This isn't the least bit funny!" Grace forced out of the words "she's so goofy looking with her hair like that Michael! What are we going to do? She can't stay like that until it grows back in!"

I walked out of the room and came back carrying a pair of professional scissors in my hands. Grace chuckled and zei "if you're thinking of cutting it yourself than I have a feeling this is going to end very badly!" I continued to laugh as I was forced to cut Alanna's hair just to the length of her ears; so it would be equal to the absolutely atrocious mess she had created on the opposite side of her head. I stood back to see the final product and zei "it's definitely not perfect; but it's better than what she had before! AJ, please don't ever try to cut your own hair again. u should have just zei u wanted your haircut shorter! Where did u get those scissors from anyway?"

I watched as my daughter climbed across the bookshelf in her room as if she was a monkey and threw a plastic box down to the ground. I sifted through the box and asked "I thought there was a whole bunch of permanent markers in this box too!" Alanna zei "oh; u mean the paints! I used the blue one daddy." I hesitated nervously to ask "where?" She pointed to the uithangbord behind me and I turned around to see gigantic blue scribbles everywhere! I put my hand over my mouth and whispered "why would u do that AJ?" She responded "I wanted to paint my room blue because I don't like the roze daddy!" I chuckled with nervous laughter as I zei "yeah; but sweetheart that wasn't paint! That was permanent marker!"

She grabbed a baby wipe from the box that was in her room and walked over to the wall. She zei "I can wash it off daddy!" I couldn't help but smile as I glanced upward at my two-year-old who was desperately trying to get the marker off the wall. I was trying to act upset with her of make it seem like I was sad; but I couldn't help but laugh at how cute she looked! I chuckled and zei "I promise u AJ; a baby wipe is not going to work!" In the blink of an eye, she picked up the blue marker again and started coloring on the walls like nothing was wrong! I ran up to her and zei "whoa, whoa, whoa, don't make it worse AJ! What are u doing?" She zei "I told u daddy; I'm painting my room blue!" I zei "if u want me to have your room painted blue then we can do that; but u are not going to do it yourself with a permanent marker! Besides, don't u think it would take u a long time to cover your entire uithangbord with that one little marker?" She threw the marker on the ground feeling defeated and I scooped her up into my arms. I started to tickle her and zei "you know that you're going to make daddy's hair turn gray sooner! u silly goose! volgende time, stay away from the box that I use when I work on your baby book! The whole reason why I put it on the top, boven shelf in the first place was so that u couldn't get to it! No meer markers of scissors for you!"

***

I zei "remember; I told u that it's not nice to hit people AJ!" She zei "give me a cookie and I won't hit u daddy!" I zei as I started to get irritated with her for the first time ever "no; that's not how it works AJ. I'm your daddy and I make the rules; not you." Grace looked on as she saw me getting aggravated. I zei something that I thought I would never say to my perfect little angel. I zei "maybe it's time for me to put u in timeout. I heard Grace whisper "alright Mike; I've been waiting for u to say those words for a long time now!" Alanna asked "what's timeout?" I looked at Grace and smirked as I zei "I'll put u in a chair and you'll have to sit there and think about why you're not listening to me! u won't be allowed to get up from the chair until I come talk to you!" AJ laughed and zei "you won't do that to me daddy because even u zei I'm too cute!" I zei sternly "if u hit me again you'll see that I'm not joking!"

I think AJ wanted to test my patience because she immediately slapped my leg and looked up at me. A little voice in the back of my head kept saying "you can't punish her Michael! She's your little baby! She's too cute to be in trouble! u don't want to be like Joseph; do you?" I ignored that voice and picked her up. I pulled a chair out from the keuken-, keuken tafel, tabel and placed her on it. I knelt down in front of her and zei "I told u that if u hit me again u would be going to timeout. Now u stay here and think about why it's not nice to hit people and I'll be back in a few minutes! For 30 seconds, AJ just looked back and forth between me and the chair that she was sitting in because I don't think she actually thought that I would follow through with the timeout. After she got over the initial shock, she climbed out of the chair and I immediately chased after her.

I caught up to her and without saying a word to her brought her back to the chair. Then she got up again and again numerous times. It was starting to become a game of cat and muis because she decided she was going to hide underneath the table. I had to climb under there with her so I could reach her and she looked like she was having the time of her life. After I brought her back to the chair that time, she decided to try a different tactic on me to see how dedicated I was. She started crying and I had to look away because I knew that was my one and only weakness. She asked "daddy, why do u keep bringing me back here? It's not nice!"

After she had served a full two minuten without getting out of the chair I walked up to her and knelt down in front of her. I calmly zei "do u know why I put u here?" She responded "because it wasn't nice for me to hit you!" I zei "yes and because u wouldn't listen to me when I told u to stop hitting me!" She asked "can I get up now daddy?" I zei "I want u to say you're sorry to me for not listening and hitting first." She reluctantly zei "I'm sorry daddy!" I hugged her and zei "I accept your apology. Can I have kisses?" She lightly pecked my lips and ran off into the other room.

Grace looked at me and zei "congratulations on your first successful timeout Mr. Michael! I have to admit that I didn't think u had it in u to deal with all that crying! I'm impressed!" I zei "I didn't know I had it in me either! I thought it was funny though when she kept getting up from the chair because with all the years I've spent perfecting my dance moves there's no way she could wear me out. Now that she knows that I will follow through with timeouts I'm hoping she'll be better behaved. I doubt it; but I can hope! I was a little worried when she went underneath the tafel, tabel because I didn't know if I was going to be able to reach her; but luckily my arms were just long enough! I have a feeling that AJ's going to be spending a lot of time sitting in that chair! Just because she can be so stubborn and she never gives up!"

***

Jeffrey pulled up in front of my friend Arnie's dermatologist office and I unbuckled AJ from her car seat. I didn't want to wake her up because she had fallen asleep; so I carefully rested her head on my shoulder and walked inside as Jeffrey pulled out of the driveway. I quietly opened the front door and walked inside with her in my arms. I noticed Debbie behind the front desk; but she didn't seem to realize that I had just come inside. I didn't want to draw attention to myself because I didn't know how she would react to seeing her daughter for the first time since she's been born.

I coughed and Debbie must've recognized that it was me because without looking up from the computer screen in front of her she zei "hey Michael; Arnie told me you'd be stopping door today to pick up something that he took from u last weekend. I have it over here if u want to come grab it." I carefully walked up to the bureau with AJ in my arms and Debbie looked up from the computer screen. She immediately looked at AJ and smiled from ear to ear. She whispered "oh my gosh Michael; I didn't know u were bringing Alanna with you!!!" Debbie walked out from behind the bureau and over to me. She ran her fingers through our daughter's short blonde hair and zei "she looks so much like me it's crazy!" I smiled and zei "I know; I'm hoping she'll start to look meer like me as she gets older because that's going to be hard to explain to her." Debbie zei "stay here for a few minuten so we can catch up! I haven't seen u in two years!"

I sat down in the chair volgende to her and she asked "so; how do u like being a daddy?" I zei "I love it! I still can't thank u enough for making all this possible for me!" She responded "it's no big deal Michael; I was meer than happy to do it for you!" I zei "I was actually thinking that it might be time for u and I to try for a seconde baby!" Debbie zei "I had a feeling the conversation was headed in this direction!" I zei "my bodyguard Jeffrey and Alanna's nanny started their two months of paid vacation today and I need a ride home pagina because Jeffrey had to leave to get to the airport on time for his flight. I was actually hoping that u would give AJ and I a ride back to Neverland when you're shift ends in a few minutes?" She zei "of course I can Michael! I was actually just about ready to close the office up for the night."

After Debbie had locked up the office, she drove AJ and I back to the ranch. I invited her inside and she followed me upstairs while I went to go leave AJ in her room; so she could finish taking a nap. Debbie followed me into my bedroom and just as we were finishing "creating my potential seconde child" I heard a tiny voice say "daddy; where's my bottle at?" Debbie chuckled at the awkwardness of the circumstances the two of us were in and I zei "sneak out the hidden staircase so she doesn't wonder what we were doing in here!"

Meanwhile, AJ stood on the outside of my locked bedroom door waiting for an answer from me. After Debbie had snuck out, I opened the door and asked "what are u looking for sweetie?" She zei "my bottle." I zei "oh; I think I left the bottle u had in the car that Jeffrey took to the airport! That's okay because I'll make u another one!"

***

I stood outside AJ's bedroom door with her and asked "are u ready to see your room painted blue?" She jumped with excitement and I opened the door to reveal a freshly painted dark blue bedroom. She zei "wow; thank u daddy!" I zei as I walked inside and sat down on her bed "you're welcome. Does this mean now that your room is painted you're going to start sleeping in your bed?" She zei "no; I like sleeping in your room daddy!" I looked out the window to see Debbie's car pulling up; so I unlocked the door with the keypad that was inside the house and gestured from the window for her to come inside.

She walked up the steps and into AJ's room. She zei "hi Alanna; how are you?" AJ ran behind me and started to act shy because she didn't recognize Debbie at all. I asked "can u tell Mrs. Debbie hello?" AJ just looked at Debbie and hid her face again. I smiled at Debbie and asked "what brings u here today?" She zei "I think you're going to have to start emptying out another bedroom Michael!" I smiled and zei "no way; you're pregnant again!" She responded "yup! I would toon u the pregnancy test; but I dropped it in between the zitplaats, stoel and the center console of my car. Trust me though; it's definitely a positive test!" I picked up AJ and zei "Mrs. Debbie is going to have another baby! Do u know what that means?" She asked "what?" I zei "it means you're going to be a big sister!!!" She asked "where is the baby at then?" Debbie and I chuckled and I zei "you're not going to see the baby for a while because it's growing in her belly right now!" She just looked at me confused and I put her down on the ground; so she could continue running around her bedroom. I zei "thank u so much Debbie!!! I can't even begin to tell u how grateful I am that u would do this for me!" Debbie zei "you really need to stop saying thank u to me Michael! I told u that this is just a gift from one friend to another!" I zei "I know, I know, I just can't help it!"

***

I've already told most of my family that Debbie’s expecting again, the only person I have yet to tell is my sister Latoya; that's why I'm inviting her over today. She knocked on the front door and I invited her into the living room. She immediately asked "where is Jeffrey at?" I zei "he and Alanna's nanny just started their two months paid vacation a few days ago; so it'll just be AJ, a few of the Neverland staff members, and I for a while.” Latoya looked at me with a worried expression of her face and sat down volgende to me on the couch. She asked "you don't mind taking care of Alanna all door yourself for two months?" I zei "of course not Latoya! I love it! I really am just a normal dad! I don't have nine different caretakers watching over AJ all dag like most of the other celebrity parents do!!!" She asked trying to change the subject "what did u want to tell me? What's the big news?" I zei "oh yeah; I almost forgot to tell you! I'm going to be a father again; Debbie's expecting!" Latoya responded "wow; that's great Michael!!!"

Alanna came up to me after leaving the play room she was in and hugged Latoya. Latoya kissed her forehead and AJ walked back over to me. I asked "what's the matter? Did u want me to put another toon on the TV in there for you?" AJ zei "no, I'm still watching Scooby Doo. I need u to change me daddy!" I grabbed the bottle out of her hands and Latoya looked at it disgusted. I rolled my eyes and asked "what's wrong Latoya?" She asked "don't u think she's way too old to be drinking out of that baby bottle at two years old?" I zei "I don't really see the point in taking it away from her because it's not really doing any harm!" She zei "that's not the point I'm trying to make Michael! AJ is WAY too old for baby bottles! u should have gotten rid of those a long time ago." I zei "you don't really have a lot of room to talk because u don't even have kids!" She zei "I'm just trying to help u Michael! Also, if AJ is telling u when she needs to be changed then it's probably a good idea to start potty training." I zei "well; I appreciate that u want help; but I don't feel the need to deal with any of that stuff right now!" Latoya zei "I think I'm going to leave before we start arguing." As she shut the door, I zei "that's the best idea you've had since u got here!"

Later that night, I carried AJ into my bedroom and put her underneath the covers. As I lay there volgende to her while she drank from her bottle and watch TV, I couldn't help but think about what Latoya had zei earlier today. Maybe she's right! Maybe I am selfishly trying to keep my "baby" from growing up. I mean; AJ still hasn't slept in her bed since the dag I bought it for her! Plus, with a new baby on the way it would be nice for her to be a little bit meer independent. I don't know about all this stuff! I just want her to need me forever! I don't know if I'm ready to face the fact that I can't stop AJ from growing up! Even at Neverland; the place where nobody grows up!

***

I opened my eyes this morning to see AJ jumping up and down at the foot of my bed. I zei "good morning" and picked her up. I carried her downstairs and asked a vraag I already knew the answer to "are u sure u still want to drink from this baby bottle." She zei "yeah daddy." I looked at the one sippy cup I had purchased that was sitting on the counter; still inside the packaging. I was ready to pass the bottle to her and then at the last seconde opened it up. She asked "what are u doing daddy. I put the bottle down on the counter and ripped open the sippy cup packaging. AJ's eyes widened as she watched me pour the chocolate melk out of the bottle and into the sippy cup.

I passed it to her and she zei "you have to put it back in my bottle daddy!" I knelt down in front of her and calmly zei "I think you're too old for the baby bottles now. Why don't u try drinking from this instead?" She threw it on the ground and pointed toward the bottle on the counter. I picked the sippy cup up and zei "this isn't that different AJ! Its still the same chocolate melk like before; just in a sippy cup this time!" She stomped her feet and zei angrily "I don't want that!"

I opened up the cupboard and zei "I think it's time for daddy to just throw all the bottles away." Her eyes started to water as I began to put all of the bottles into the trashcan. door the time I got to the last bottle, she was having a full-blown meltdown on the keuken-, keuken floor. I zei "it really isn't that big of a deal AJ!" She whined "just let me keep one bottle daddy; please!" I didn't like seeing her so upset and it was really bothering me; but I knew that it was better to get it over with now when she is still little.

I picked up the cup and put it on the coffee tafel, tabel in the living room. She followed me in there and I zei "I'm not going to force u to drink from this; but I'm not going to give u a bottle anymore either AJ! u don't need that anymore!" She threw the cup off of the tafel, tabel and literally cried from that moment on until it was time for her to go to sleep. I felt terrible because she was refusing to drink anything; even after eating. As we sat there watching TV in my bedroom, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and I couldn't help but feel like I really was hurting her door taking the bottles away. I rubbed her back and surprisingly she reached for the sippy cup on the nightstand. I passed it to her and she looked at it hesitating a few times before she actually took a sip out of it. I honestly was relieved because the meer she cried the harder it was for me not to give in to her. I knew it was only a matter of time before she broke me!

I zei "there u go AJ! I told u that wasn't that big of a deal!" She zei "yeah; just get me a different color cup volgende time because I really don't like roze daddy!" I zei "I know u don't and I promise u that I'll get u a different one tomorrow." After the all-day battle I just went through, I was just glad to have it over with! Sometimes I just wish that parenting came with instructions. I love being a single dad; but sometimes she wears me out. To think that this is just the beginning of that crazy thing called "fatherhood." What did I get myself into?

***

"You have to sleep in your room AJ" she pleaded with me "no daddy; why daddy?" I asked "why don't u want to sleep in here?" She responded "what about the monsters daddy?" I asked "what do u mean?" She asked again "what about the monsters in my room?" I zei "there's no monsters! Monsters aren't real AJ!" She zei "yeah they are daddy because I saw one under my bed!" I looked underneath her bed and she zei "see that thing all the way back there!" I reached underneath the bed and pulled out a jumbo sized teddy bear. She zei "oh; I thought that was a monster." I chuckled and put her underneath the covers. She asked "promise the monsters aren't real?" I zei "yes I promise and even if they were, I wouldn't let them hurt u AJ; I've protect u no matter what!" She gave me a kiss on the cheek and I turned on her TV before shutting the bedroom light off.

As I lay there in bed door myself for the first time in months, it was almost as if I wanted AJ to be scared just so she would need me. I expected her to be a lot meer upset that she is and I honestly think that this is harder on me than it is on her. Within about 20 minutes, she had fallen asleep; but I was still wide awake. It was a good thing that I was having trouble sleeping because when I walked into her room she was practically falling out of the bed. I think it's because she got so used to sleeping in such a huge bed that her bed was kind of small. I carefully picked her up and put her in the center of the mattress. I'm just starting to realize that I'm slowly losing my "baby" and deep inside it's killing me! I hope she will always need me for something because if she doesn't I don't know how going to handle it!

***

Grace quickly followed me off the airplane while I carried AJ in my arms. I zei "I'm definitely going to have to use to touring again since it's been so long." I always get worried going into strange hotels; especially with AJ because the press is just so awful. The minuut we entered the parking lot to the hotel, photographers started asking me questions. "Michael, are u excited to be on tour again? Can u look this way Michael?" I normally wouldn't say anything to them; but they all could obviously see that the flashes from the cameras were bothering AJ's eyes. I zei "you know; I wouldn't mind answering your vragen if you'd stop taking so many pictures! Can't u see that it's bothering her? I mean seriously! She's only two years old!" Of course they ignored what I had to say; but that's nothing new! All they care about is getting a good picture to sell to some tabloid magazine for money!

After leaving Grace with AJ for the day, I headed over for rehearsals because tomorrow is the first concert of my "history" tour. I walked inside the arena and Frank greeted me. He asked "are u ready to hit the stage again Michael?" I zei "yeah; I guess so." He responded "I thought u would be a lot meer excited than u are!" I asked "how do u expect me to be excited when my daughter is in a hotel room without me?" Frank zei "I know u miss Alanna Michael; but u have to try to look at the bright side! You're providing her with everything she could possibly need door doing this tour and just think about it; u won't have to go on tour for a long time after this!" I zei "I get where you're coming from Frank; but that doesn't change the fact that I feel that I should be there for my daughter! Enough talking; I just want to get this tour done and over with!"

I can honestly say that I've never been so unhappy rehearsing for a concert like I am today! I really didn't want to be doing this because I wanted to be with AJ every seconde of the day. I couldn't handle how selfish Frank was being in regards to my feelings! He just doesn't understand what it's like to be away from your child all dag long! He's being way too insensitive; I'm just glad that I have three days off after the first concert tomorrow because I have a feeling I'm going to need it!

***

It was 10 o'clock at night and I had just finished the last long of my first concert. I quickly ran offstage and Frank zei "that was amazing Michael!!!" I zei "whatever Frank; just please take me back to the hotel because I miss AJ!" I dashed out the back door without even looking back at Frank and hopped into the car that Jeffrey was waiting in outside the back door to the arena. I zei "straight to the hotel Jeffrey; step on it!" Jeffrey responded "of course Mr. Jackson; right away!"

I ran up to the hotel room and took out the key to the door. As the door opened, I was puzzled because I saw AJ sitting in the living room area all door herself. I zei "hi AJ; where is Grace?" She pointed to one of the separate bedrooms and as I approached the door I heard the sound of crying. I lightly knocked on the door and Grace opened it up. I looked at her as tears streamed down her face and asked "what's wrong? Why are u crying?" She zei "about an uur ago, one of my sisters called me and told me that she has just been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer! She only has six months left to live!" I zei "that's terrible; I insist that u take six months off from work to take care of her!" She hesitated to say "I couldn't put u in that type of situation Michael! There's no way I can leave while you're on tour because there's no one to watch Alanna!" I zei "I won't take no for an answer! Trust me; AJ can just hang around backstage at the concerts while I'm performing. I miss her too much anyway! That will work out fine for all of us!" Grace zei "thank u so much Michael!" I zei "I'll make sure that u get on the volgende flight down to see your sister! I think the terminal closes soon so u probably need to hurry!"

A few minuten later, Grace ran out of the room with her suitcase in her hands. As she shut the door, AJ asked "daddy; where is she going?" I zei "she'll be back soon! In the meantime, it's just going to be u and I!" She zei "I missed u a lot today daddy; what are we going to do tomorrow?" I zei "I don't know; but we'll have fun!"

***

I was anticipating a large shipment of some of the things from Neverland to arrive at the hotel room. Movers started bringing boxes of our things into the huge hotel room and I thanked them as they left. AJ walked over and pulled something out of one of the boxes. I sat down volgende to her on the floor and she passed me an action figure. She asked "who is that?" I zei "that's Spiderman! He's a superhero!" She zei "he looks cool daddy!" I zei "I have some Spiderman cartoons. u want to watch them with me?" She zei "yeah; I do!" I have to say that I'm starting to realize that AJ really doesn't like anything girly and I think it's really cute. u should have seen how mesmerized she was door those "amazing Spiderman" episodes!

***Arthur's note***

Just so u know, this chapter will be spleet, split up into two parts. AJ age 2 is just getting started! Thanks for reading!