My Little pony Friendship is Magic Club
kom bij
Fanpop
New Post
Explore Fanpop
Yes, it's back.. I promise not to take up so much space.. As I'm one shoting them for now one...

MATURE CONTENT WARNING:



Saten Twist and Master Sword are at a mall, only to get a rude brush-off from the Santa who works there when he leaves for the night. As a result, Sword vows to kill Santa for blowing him off. And knowing Sword, he wasn't joking.

Saten: Man, u may want to calm down there

Sword: f that beslubbering, onion-eyed maggot-pie thinks he can just blow me off like that, he's got another thing coming..(pulls out Pistol) And it's full of led (points it)

Saten: (slaps it away) Geez louise man!

Sword: u know what. I'm killing him. You're driving me. Let's go.

Saten: Dri... Driving u where?

Sword; To the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Saten: Really? Up to the North Pole? How do u expect me to get there?

Sword: We drive

Saten: I'm not driving u to north pole.

Voice: Bar closing

Saten: ... Okay I'll drve you.

----------------------------------------------------------------

FAKE NORTH POLE:

Sword: This is it huh?

Saten: Yep. This is it.

Teen: Yo, yo, what's up, y'alls? Y'alls ready to kick it in some fine North Pole gear?!

Sword: ... Saten. Does the North Pole usually having teenagers.

Saten: Yeah, sure.

Sword: Hmm... Let me ask something else.. (pins him on uithangbord pointing the gun) u THINK I'M AN IDIOT!?

Saten: I..

Sword: u can't jerk me around when it comes to Santa Claus, dude! There is a Ferris wheel here, and a guy hosing vomit! Nobody vomits at the North Pole! Except for Santa's wife because she has an eating disorder!

Saten: What?

Sword: Yeah, 'cause he can have anyone he wants, and she knows that!

Saten: Okay Sword, there's something I should probably tell you.

Sword: Fine (lowers gun)

Saten: I hate to tell u this Sword, but there really is no Santa.

Sword: ... (chuckles) That's funny.. I thought u zei Santa wasn't real.. What's next, hmm? . Um, who else isn't real? Hmm? Y...You gonna tell me SpongeBob? Is he not real? Huh? Is SpongeBob not there at the bottom of the ocean giving Squidward the business? Hmm? of what about Curious George? Huh? Does he not really exist? Hmm? Is Curious George not out there makin' little boats out of newspapers that he should be delivering? Huh? Educate yourself, u fool!

Saten: Guess we'll have to do this the hard way then.

Sword: u know, u know why nothing works out for you, Twist!? Because you've got a negative attitude. Like Eeyore.

Saten: Oh, that's not fair Master. I don't think I have a negative attitude. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to embark on a potentially dangerous journey whe...

Sword: I still have a loaded gun.. Now drive me to the real North Pole.

Saten: What do I get out of this?

Sword: Help me and ... I'll take u and Trixie with me to Los Pegasus.

Sword: I'll even pay for the greatest buffets.

Saten: Fine..

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(They drive to Canada but the car breaks down).

Saten: Well that's just great.

Canadian: hallo there fokes.

Sword: Well this is convienent

Canadian: Oh, hallo there. You're having some car troubles, eh?

Saten: Yeah, we're trying to get to the North Pole. I don't suppose you're from Triple A, are you?

Canadian: Who?

Saten: Triple A, u know? A-A-A.

Canadian: Oh, AA, eh? Oh, I just came from AA.

Saten: No, not AA! AAA!

Canadian: Yeah, that's what I said. AA, eh?

Saten:: Oh, so u are with Triple A.

Canadian: Oh, no, that's AAA. I just came from AA, eh?

Sword: Saten I think he's just a drunk.

Saten: Hold on Master, I'm handling this.

Canadian: Well, I can probably take u to a gas station, eh? u have cash, eh?

Saten: Well, I dunno, my name carries a little weight, but I don't see how that matters here.

Sword: Look, we don't have enough cash to fix the car and we're kind of on our way to the North Pole.

Canadian: Oh, a car won't take ya there anyway. But if ya like, u can take my snowmobile.

Saten: ... Really?

Canadian: Oh, sure. That's what Canadian hospitality's all aboot. If ya like, u can have all my money and my leg.

Sword: ... Okay.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(skip to the two on the snowmoblie, Sword holding the leg)

Saten: Why'd we take his leg?

Sword: We're in their country, Saten, we have to observe their customs. (drops leg on bump)

Sword: ... Well, at least we're done with the first leg of our journey.

Saten: That pun was bad and u should feel bad.

Sword (annoyed): Fuck off

Saten: I would, but then you'd be all alone.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(They arrive)

Sword: There it is, Santa's factory

Saten: ...

Saten: I don't believe it.

They knock and sure enough Santa appears. However Santa is a sick and elderly looking, dying man.

Saten: Santa!?

Santa: Who are you?

Sword: I'm Master Sword (pulls out the handgun) AND I'M HERE TO KILL YOU!

Santa: ... Oh thank god. *kneels in front of them* Please do it.

Sword: What?

Santa: (puts gun in mouth) Do it!

Sword: You.. Want me two?

Santa: Put me out of my misery!

Sword: Whoa man, there's no sport in that.

Santa: *starts coughing, Saten helps him up*

Saten: I... I don't understand. I thought u were supposed to be jolly and happy.

Santa (shows the factory to be dark gloomy place, and the elfs ll deformed and grey skinned, and the Raindeers all rabid wild animals): I used to be, a long time ago. I made toys for little boys and girls. I loved my work, and they loved me. But it just got out of hand. The world's population kept growing and growing. Kids wanted meer toys, fancier toys! We used to make wooden choo-choos and rag dolls. u ever try to make an iPod?! I've got orders for millions of 'em!

Saten: ... (crosses iPod off his list).

Santa: Look at those poor elves.. they're just a sickly race of mutated genetic disasters. At least 60% of them are born blind. The workload destroys them, but they don't know anything else. It's gotten so their instincts take over, and near the end, they just walk out into the snow and die. Then the reindeer eat them, which has turned the reindeer into wild, feral creatures with a blood-lust for elf flesh. I don't even pray for them anymore. Seems pointless. What God would allow this?

Sword (actually frightened, which for him is saying a lot): This is none of the songs of specials!

Saten: How could u let this happen?!

Santa: Me!? I didn't do this! CHRISTMAS DID THIS!!

(All the elves stand up angrily).

-------------------------------------------------------------------

SONG:

Santa: Each klok, bell would peal with a silvery zeal, as the holiday feeling was filling us. But now instead all we're feeling is dread, because Christmas time is killing us!

Elves (all together): Each Christmas lijst gets us meer and meer pissed, till the thought of existence is chilling us!

Santa: I'll tell u what, shove your lijst up your butt! Because Christmas time is killing us!

Saten (singing): But can't u see, that what u do is a dream come true? Can't u see that, every smile makes it all worthwhile?

Santa: No, screw, you! It's all but through, there's too much to do! All those dreams are nightmares, (zoom in Elf) AND BLANK ICY STARES!

Santa: Each little elf used to fill up a shelf, making playthings and selflessly thrilling us! Now they're on crack, and it feels like lraq, because Christmastime is killing us!

Elves (together): Each model train only heightens the pain of a workload that's draining and drilling us!

Santa: Fingers all bleed, and look that guy just peed, because Christmas time is killing us!

Sword (singing): But can't u see, our point of view? We rely on you. Can't u see that Christmas cheer, gets us through the year?

Santa: My whole crew is black and blue, can't u take a clue? u may think I look great, (zoom in to toon his elderly wrinkered skin) BUT I'M TWENTY-EIGHT!

Santa: Each jingle klok, bell is a requiem knell. And while u think it's swell we are toiling in Hell. Take a look, u can tell as a man I'm a sheeeeeeeeeell! because Christmastime is killing us! KILLING US! Christmas time is killing us!

(Song ends with the elves all hanging themselves).

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa: (coughs and passes out)

Saten: (jaw dropped)

Sword: ... Is weird that that was a great song?

Saten: (eyes turn to him, having no reply)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Skips to Santa in hospital.

Saten: Is he going to be okay?! It's Christmas!

Elf Doctor: Christmas is the problem! He can't keep this pace up anymore. If he goes out tonight, he'll die.

20h agoSword: Which means no meer Christmas!?

Elf Doctor: Afraid so.

Saten: ... We're do it

Sword and Doctor (together): What!?

Saten: u were right Sword, he IS real. And he needs our help.

Sword: Alright. So how do we start?

Saten': Don't worry, Santa. We'll make sure there's a Christmas this year.

Santa: Thank u red pony. That brings me peace in this hour. I'll be with Allah soon.

Saten: What!?

Dr Elf: H-he's just delerious.

Saten: *clearly uncomfortable* Okay then. So we should probably get started

Sword: Anyone else freaked out door that Allah thing?

Saten: Forget that, lets get going.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(Later as they prepare to leave).

Saten: alright.. (whips) Mush!

*Reindeer don't move*

Sword: It's not working. I think they need to be coaxed. Santa zei they eat elf flesh.

Sword (sees a misshapen elf standing in the snow, staring blankly at nothing): Hey! hallo you! Come over here!

Elf doesn't move.

Saten: I don't think he even knows where he is.

Sword: I guess we should just do it then.

Saten: (sighs, goes over with swissblade)

Saten cuts through the elf's arm, the elf is unfazed and unresponsive.

Saten (takes the arm): So... bye! *runs back to sleigh*

They take off, using the arm as a lure.

Sword: hallo dude, that one reindeer just kind of pooped in the other reindeer's face, and the other reindeer just kind of ate it. Isn't Christmas magical?

Saten: It sure is.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Sword: Alright. First house of the night

Saten: (tosses gifts carelessly)

Sword: Whoa whoa man! u can't just toss those all about.

Saten: Why not?

Sword: u kidding? Those aren't socks and underwear donated door the brand department to some battered women's shelter. Those are Santa gifts, toon some care asshole.

Saten: Whatever, I delievered them. *grabs cookie and eats it*

Sword: Did u just eat that whole cookie off the mantel?!

Saten: What? They left it out for Santa. We're Santa.

Sword: Yeah, but you're not supposed to eat all of it. u take a bite and a sip of milk..

Saten: Oh u know what. *pours melk on ground* There. Now they'll know Santa was here

Sword: meer like Grinch was here.

Saten: Look I'm here giving out presents, I'll eat the damn cookie if I want. In fact, I might make myself a sandwich.

Sword: Don't u fucking dare!

Saten: *goes into the kitchen*

Man: Who's there!? (turns on light)

Saten: Uhh.. I'm Santa.

Man: Yeah, sure, your Santa. That why u broke in through the window? I'm calling the cops.

Saten: Wait, we are. We just couldn't fit though the chimey, and forgot the presents.. It's actually a funny stor-

Sword: AHH! (assualts him with bat, spraying blood everywherw)

Saten: WHAT THE HELL!?

Sword: HE WAS GONNA CALL THE COPS! NOBODY CALLS THE FUCKING COPS ON SANTA!

Sword: Now help me drag him to the closet!

Girl: Santa!?

Sword: ... Fuck

Wife: Who are you!?.. (sees body) DAN!?

Saten: Look, we can explain.

Wife flees.

Sword panicks and fires the handgun from earlier.

Girl: MOMMY!

Saten: DUDE!

Sword: I panicked okay! Now find some tape!

The little girl is taped up.

Sword: Alright, now to clean the bat and give to (reads) Johnny... Go check for her brother

Saten: (Goes upstairs) There's only one bedroom!

Sword: Then who's... oh dear god we're in the wrong house!

(sirens blaring)

Sword: Damn it, we tripped the alarm. The cops are coming. Let's go!

Saten: What?! We're just leaving like this? What about not wanting to ruin Christmas?!

Sword: It's already ruined! This was one house. We've been here for an uur and a half! An uur and... First of all, we're not even Santa anymore. This has been a home pagina invasion. But an uur and a half Saten!

Saten: No wonder Santa lost his mind, we can't do this in one night!

Sword: NOBODY CAN, IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

ON SLED:

Sword: I can't believe it! We were supposed to save Christmas, and we completely blew it! We failed Santa!

Saten: No. No, we didn't fail Santa. The world failed Santa. The poor man just gives and gives and gives, and everyone just takes him for granted. Hell, I didn't even think he existed until last night.

Sword: I agree. But what are we supposed to do now? Christmas is doomed.

Saten: Maybe, but there is one thing we can do.

Saten: But we can make things right

-------------------------------------------------------------------

PONYVILLE/THE volgende DAY:

Reporter: This just in, reports from all over the world says that no presents have delivered. We can only assume that everyone has been naugh-

Saten (runs infront of camera): Wait! I know what happened to Santa!

Reporter: Wha?

Twi (from her house): Saten?

(Saten wheels out Santa).

Reporter: Santa?!

Saten: That's right! It's Santa Claus! And the reason there was no Christmas this jaar is that this man is sick. Very sick. He's been bludgeoned door years of greed and avarice. The workload of filling our Christmas lists has overwhelmed him. And at the rate he's going, he may not make it another year. But there's a way for us to help him. If all of us everywhere can just cut back our demands and ask for only one Christmas present every year, there may still be hope. I know it's in our nature to resist sacrifice, even in hard times, but if we don't, we may have to give up Christmas altogether.

Reporter: u heard him folks. Will we take just one gift a year, can we live with that?

Various people: One is enough... One's enough... I can live with that.

Canada24: Okay, just one.. But if it's a gym membership, someone's getting punched in the fucking face!



END OF EPISODE:
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Theme song >>>> link

Seanthehedgehog presents

Ponies On The Rails

Starring

Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog

Red Rose From Chibiemmy

Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony

Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09

Metal Gloss From DragonAura15

Stylo From Jimmythedragon

Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Bartholomew, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog

Episode 24

Orion

May 17, 1953

Ah. Good old Cheyenne Wyoming. The town that always starts an episode of Ponies On The Rails, but not for this one. No, this episode starts off in San Diego.

Orion: *Stops freight train at docks*
Dock Worker: Thanks a lot Orion....
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
 This building is where Yolo, and the captain are at.
This building is where Yolo, and the captain are at.
At Stalliongrad, with Yolo, and a bunch of russian ponies.

Yolo: The dag is very warm.
Russian Captain: Too warm for my liking. Where is that maid when u need her?
Maid: *Arrives* Would u gentlecolts like anything?
Russian Captain: Vodka.
Yolo: Nothing for me, go away.
Maid: *walks away*
Lola: *On top, boven of building, running towards the edge*
Russian Captain: Do u hear something?
Yolo: No. Finish your vodka. *walks away*
Lola: *Jumps on balcony*
Yolo: *Turns around* Ah, Lola. Arrest her.

Meanwhile, at the entrance of the building

Russian pony 9: *Driving truck of weapons*
Con: *Jumps on truck*
Russians:...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Con found Lola tied to her bed, and there was tape on her mouth.

Con: *Frees Lola* What happened?
Lola: One of Frank's men came here, and tied me to this chair. He kept asking me where u were, but I didn't say anything.
Con: And that's why he tied u to the bed?
Lola: Yes.
Con: Well it's over. I killed him, and now we got to dump his body somewhere.
Lola: Where are we going to do that?
Con: Tonight. Oh, and I got the groceries. This should be enough for our flight into Equestria.
Lola:Con! *hugs Con* We can't go back to Equestria. Your boss will be looking for you.
Con: He won't know where...
continue reading...
The volgende dag came like a bolt again going through the cycle of breakfast, bath time, wearing the school uniform and school itself. Having to go through activities wasn’t really that enjoyable to me as the activity this dag was song composing (on muziek period) but Mrs. Sync spared us some difficulty and got us to our temporary groups: one group for each row of arm chairs,vertically and also that we can take the melody from other songs and just rewrite the lyrics

“okay, so we get to be groupmates then” Liz zei to me as she gathered the rest of our group to huddle up

“so what do we do?”...
continue reading...
posted by Canada24
"What are we gonna do with that guy. Now that he's here, I really don't think we would be able to trust him" Rariry admitted.

"He only just got here. Don't ya'll think u might be overreacting" appeldrank, applejack admitted.

"AppleJack, please. Have I ever been know to overreact!?" Rarity insisted.


COLLECTION OF FLASHBACKS:

"Did I forget the plates? I did! I totally forgot the plates! Of all the worst things that could happen! This is! The! Worst! Possible! Thing!"

"(sobbing) I lost my dimand encrusted purple ribbin! I have searched high! I have searched low! But I can't find it anywhere!"

"Is that sweat?...
continue reading...
posted by OnlyAFangirl
Twilight's POV:
"AHHHH" That was me screaming. Again for the last few weeks I had a wierd dream of me & the other 6 going through that portal sending us to that school again. Phew. If I had to go through that again, I would, probably faint.

"Hey Twilight, guess where we're going?!?!" That, was Pinkie Pie. I'm pretty sure u know about her. But where were we going? Could it be The Crystal Empire, Canterlot, another Gala? "We're goingthroughthatPORTALthatyouwentthroughtosavethecrownREMEMBER REMEMBER!?&thenyouiguessfellinlovebutthatdidn'tstopyou,didit?youtookthatcrownawayfromsunsetshimmer&camebacktoEquestria!!!"Oh.No....
continue reading...
Spike:Oh,man!I don't want to live anymore without my beautiful Harmony!
Peter:Well,I told u that u should......
Spike:Oh,why the hooi-, hooi don't u stop talking?Shut up,Greg!
Peter:Actually,my name is Peter.
Spike:I don't care.Give me more.
Peter:There isn't ''more''.You drink 1000 bottles.
Spike:Ugh,then I will go to the Casino!
Peter:I will not let you.
Spike:I will remember to get u a mice hole,for u to hide,before I kill you.
Peter:Uh,go on,sir.I know the best casino in town...
Spike:Now that's better!
Peter:That way,sir...
Spike:Thanks.Now,bye!
Peter:*puts hoof in head*

Meanwhile at Rarity....
Rarity:Uh,Harmony...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
P was calling Con on his phone

Con: *Answers call*
P: u had to kill him. u couldn't have just brought him in?
Con: I don't give a fuck about that.
P: Well u better if u want to keep your job.
Mr. Foust: Sir, we have info on Frank.
Con: What's going on?
P: We just got info on a pony named Frank. He's with four other ponies, and they're all wearing black fedoras.
Con: Where are they?
P: Sydney Australia. They're at a play, and I think we all know which building that it's in.
Con: Who doesn't?

Con had to go to the opera house in Sydney Australia.

Con: *In backstage area*
P: u know what you're...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Victor & JJ had a brand new Flam Wrestler that was modified with 600 horsepower. They were about to see how fast it could go on a straight stretch of road.

Victor: *Revs the engine* Alright, u ready?
JJ: As ready as I'll ever be!
Victor: Here goes nothing! *Floors it, and quickly goes over 70 miles an hour*
JJ: This is really fast!
Victor: Yeah, but we're losing traction whenever we switch gears! *Shifts into 3rd, and starts to swerve* This is not working well!! *Loses control, and stops in a ditch*

It quickly got dusty inside the car.

JJ: *Coughs twice*
VIctor: *Slams his hoof on the dashboard*...
continue reading...
added by TimberHumphrey
added by triq267
Source: KodokunaShiroiOkami
posted by SomeoneButNoone
---
Dan - I know that Hooffman is dead but I need u to do something.
Ghost - Soldiers don't cry. And we can get revenge on GlobeX and get pleased.
Dan - Great. I need u to go back to the base u used thanathos in. They are about to launch an Nuclear raket into Canterlot. u HAVE to stop them.
Ghost - Got it sir.


- - - -
Siberia - Russia.
GlobeX Arizone.
Hour 1932
Operation Codename : "Jet Fuel"

-----

Ghost - Jump jump jump!
Hardscope - *parachute down* All here?
Blaze - Aye. Let's move.
Ghost - This place is awfully cle-
GlobeX - *shoot at them*
Ghost - Ambush!
-23rd of May-
Hardscope - Mother... *throw...
continue reading...
added by Jade_23
Source: DeviantArt, Equestria Daily
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Adrenaline soon returned to Don Castalini's house with Larry in the beetle.

Larry: *Sees three black El Doritos parked in front of Don Castalini's house* Well it looks like we got some company.
Adrenaline: Guess we should be prepared for something.
Larry: Yeah, it looks like the Don has another job for us, with several meer ponies in our gang.
Adrenaline: Sounds like fun.

But as they got out of the car, a pony in the house shot at them with a Tommygun

Larry: *Taking cover behind the fence* What is this?!!?
Scaletta Pony: We have your boss! Come in with your hooves up!
Larry: Usually, it's come...
continue reading...
posted by SomeoneButNoone
Episode 2
Exploration of Power.

---
Queen - Welcome to the Heroes tourna-

*preparing room*
Shadowknight - *looks at hoofs*
Pearl - Don't worry however you'll do I will be proud.
Shadowknight - Hehe... (Hearing it from child's mouth feels weird)
Pearl - hallo I know his weakness!
Shadowknight - Hm?
Pearl - When he lunge he is making and opening in center of his body, if u hit it book he is down and u win yaaay!
Shadowknight - I can exploit that...

-arena-

Angel - At last.
Shadowknight - Tch...
Emerald - Don't kill him...
Angel - I'll try.
Shadowknight - You'll be the one dying today *grabs sword*
...
...
...
Queen...
continue reading...
added by Windwakerguy430
At a Freedom Fighter base.

Freedom Fighters: *Working on computers, and organizing paperwork*
Sally Acorn: *Inspecting the base*
Freedom Fighter: *Walks over to her* Princess Sally, I regret to inform u that Eggman keeps attacking more, and meer of our bases.
Sally Acorn: We're not making much progress.
Freedom Fighter: And I have meer bad news. Sonic is still prisoner on Eggman's Super Ridiculously Big Yacht.
Sally Acorn: We must save him immediately.
Freedom Fighter 72: General, Doctor Eggman has appeared on my screen.
Freedom Fighter 55: He's on mine too!
Freedom Fighter: *Looks around*...
continue reading...
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: (facebook, joyreactor)
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: (facebook, joyreactor)
posted by Seanthehedgehog
 My OC Larry Wilcox stars as the main character, Tim Miller
My OC Larry Wilcox stars as the main character, Tim Miller
Map to the town of Gran Turismo: link

Gran Turismo. A city full of wealth, and ponies that love cars. Most of these ponies are either illegal straat racers, of cops. This is based off of the Gran Turismo video games, when u go online, there are these lobbies where people play as cops.

Now if u take a look at the map, u will see blue squares. Those are police stations.

Red squares are brand departments, and white squares are hospitals.

Yellow triangles are autoshops. The one with the red center is Local Consideration, populair for it's high quality parts at a fair price.

The brown lines are...
continue reading...