After discussing dogs, it was time for Tom to talk about cats.
Tom: Cats can't look at u like that, cats look at u coldly as if they're testing new eyes.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cats can also increase the size of their pupils, it's the craziest thing ever! *Opens his eyes wide*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cats are cute, cats are goddamn cute. Isn't he cute?! God he's cute, look at 'im!! He's a kitty cat!! That's how cute they are, they needed two names.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Kitty wasn't cute enough. Kitty cat!! Kitty cat! Ain't he cute?! Let's DROWN HIM!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Hang him up on a wall, see if he sticks up there! WHOOOOOOAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: *Talking in a southern accent* Look at that there kitty cat! They're so goddamn cute!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Returns to normal accent* When they're teeny, I hope they stay that size forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But I also love them because they're so physical. They love to rub on you. They spend so much time around your four legs. They love it! If u have a leg, and a cat, then u got yourself a party!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I love this leg! I'm rubbing myself on his leg, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Now if u have two legs, it would be celebration time! *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I got two legs now! I can do a figure 8!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They love to do the figure 8. They'll rub against your leg even if you're not there yet.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: u might be 50 feet down the hall, they'll see u coming. Oh boy, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Soon I'll be rubbing on his leg. They'll even walk sideways so they don't miss you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks sideways across the stage* Oh boy oh boy. They love it.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: u don't even have to pet a cat. u just put your hand out, and they'll do all the work.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: u ever pet a cat that's lying, of standing with a straight back? Before you're halfway finished, his ezel is way up in the air.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's like u pressed the ezel button!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: *Pretending to pet a cat* Isn't he a cute- *Raises his hoof* HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: HOW DID HE DO THAT?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Then they jump on your chest, and put their ezel right in your face. Here's my ezel dad!!
The crowd laughed for a few seconds, then Tom continued.
Tom: And while they're tonen u their ass, they're doing this stuff. *Moves his front hooves back and forth while sticking out his tongue*
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: At that point I'm like, get him off of me!! Good god I hate that!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Looked like they're into some bad drug.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's one other quality cats have. Which I admire.
After a two seconde pause, Tom continued.
Tom: Cats don't accept blame. They don't even get embarrassed. Cat does something dumb, u never know door looking at 'em. Dog knocks over a lamp, u can tell just door looking at the dog. *Looks at the ceiling while sticking his tongue out*
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Not the cat. Cat doesn't accept any blame, cat just moves on to the volgende activity. What's that? Not me, fuck that, I'm a cat.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Something break? Ask the dog. Cat doesn't get embarrassed. u ever see a cat race across a carpet, and crash into a glass door? Beoowwww!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I meant that, everything's okay, I meant to do that. That's exactly how I wanted that to look.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then when they get behind the couch, they let out their screams of emotional depression where nopony can hear them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They're too proud to let u see them suffer. But if u look behind the couch, u can see your cat recuperating from a domestic accident.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They get little slings, and walkers, of armchairs.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Tried to make the window from the lamp!
Crowd: *Laughing*
The finale will be next.
2 B Continued
Tom: Cats can't look at u like that, cats look at u coldly as if they're testing new eyes.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cats can also increase the size of their pupils, it's the craziest thing ever! *Opens his eyes wide*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cats are cute, cats are goddamn cute. Isn't he cute?! God he's cute, look at 'im!! He's a kitty cat!! That's how cute they are, they needed two names.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Kitty wasn't cute enough. Kitty cat!! Kitty cat! Ain't he cute?! Let's DROWN HIM!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Hang him up on a wall, see if he sticks up there! WHOOOOOOAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: *Talking in a southern accent* Look at that there kitty cat! They're so goddamn cute!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Returns to normal accent* When they're teeny, I hope they stay that size forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But I also love them because they're so physical. They love to rub on you. They spend so much time around your four legs. They love it! If u have a leg, and a cat, then u got yourself a party!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I love this leg! I'm rubbing myself on his leg, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Now if u have two legs, it would be celebration time! *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I got two legs now! I can do a figure 8!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They love to do the figure 8. They'll rub against your leg even if you're not there yet.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: u might be 50 feet down the hall, they'll see u coming. Oh boy, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Soon I'll be rubbing on his leg. They'll even walk sideways so they don't miss you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks sideways across the stage* Oh boy oh boy. They love it.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: u don't even have to pet a cat. u just put your hand out, and they'll do all the work.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: u ever pet a cat that's lying, of standing with a straight back? Before you're halfway finished, his ezel is way up in the air.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's like u pressed the ezel button!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: *Pretending to pet a cat* Isn't he a cute- *Raises his hoof* HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: HOW DID HE DO THAT?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Then they jump on your chest, and put their ezel right in your face. Here's my ezel dad!!
The crowd laughed for a few seconds, then Tom continued.
Tom: And while they're tonen u their ass, they're doing this stuff. *Moves his front hooves back and forth while sticking out his tongue*
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: At that point I'm like, get him off of me!! Good god I hate that!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Looked like they're into some bad drug.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's one other quality cats have. Which I admire.
After a two seconde pause, Tom continued.
Tom: Cats don't accept blame. They don't even get embarrassed. Cat does something dumb, u never know door looking at 'em. Dog knocks over a lamp, u can tell just door looking at the dog. *Looks at the ceiling while sticking his tongue out*
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Not the cat. Cat doesn't accept any blame, cat just moves on to the volgende activity. What's that? Not me, fuck that, I'm a cat.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Something break? Ask the dog. Cat doesn't get embarrassed. u ever see a cat race across a carpet, and crash into a glass door? Beoowwww!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I meant that, everything's okay, I meant to do that. That's exactly how I wanted that to look.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then when they get behind the couch, they let out their screams of emotional depression where nopony can hear them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They're too proud to let u see them suffer. But if u look behind the couch, u can see your cat recuperating from a domestic accident.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They get little slings, and walkers, of armchairs.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Tried to make the window from the lamp!
Crowd: *Laughing*
The finale will be next.
2 B Continued