-Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

-The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.


-The road to success is always under construction.

-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

-If u die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

-After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist zei something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

-Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only u get the warm feeling that it brings.

-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

-I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The volgende day, she locked me in the cellar.

-I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

-You tried your best and u failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

-Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

-One of the great things about boeken is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

-He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor