[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to love Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to love every day.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are u talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, u have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 207 - Anniversary #381
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Frank: There's a sad word��'- almost.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 208 - The Children's Book #382
Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For Christmas #379
[about sex]
Debra: u know, it's not always me what about last week when I was in the mood and u weren't?
Raymond: When was that???
Debra: Wednesday. u were watching TV I asked u to give me a backrub. Yeah u gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Raymond: Wait wait a minute. u ask for a backrub, and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For Christmas #383
Ray: Not the flannel pajamas!
Debra: What?
Ray: When u come to bed wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance but the flannel pajamas? u might as well be wearing a porcupine suit!
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 217 - The Ride-Along #384
Debra: Ally, what are u doing?
Ally: Cutting Molly's hair.
Debra: Oh no, no, honey, u can't cut a doll's hair. It won't grow back-- only people hair grows back.
Ally: Oh. [pauses, calls for her baby brother] Geoffrey!
Debra: Oh, no, no, no, Ally, go ahead. Just cut the doll's hair. Hey, look, u missed a spot.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 303 - The Sitter #398
Ray: [referring to messy house] u know what u need, u need some real help around here.
[Debra glares at Ray]
Ray: Keeping in mind I have a very busy schedule.
Debra: Oh yeah that's right gee isn't it time for your 9 o'clock butt scratch?
Ray: That's okay I don't do that anymore I'm on the patch.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 305 - The Visit #399
[practising saying mom for Debra's mother]
Ray: Mom... mom... mom...
Marie: [walks through door] Hiii!
Ray: Wow, that... that is powerful... Let me try something: Xena warrior princess, Xena warrior princess...
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #410
Ray: Hey.
Marie: Hi honey, want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her, it's not eggs. It's got fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes. Exactly like crap.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #411
Ray: Why didn't u bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 413 - Bully On The Bus #343
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #371
Raymond: Happy Anniversary. Hey, u know what I was thinking? Since this is our tenth anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at grandmas and grandpas, all night, if u know what I mean?
Debra: Hey, hallo we could watch our wedding video?
Raymond: I guess u don't know what I mean.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #372
[after finding out straal, ray taped over his wedding video]
Frank: hallo good work Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping "you're never romantic!". Guys everywhere can say "Hey, u think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a straal, ray Barone.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #373
Marie: Well I'll tell u what I would like if I were Debra...
Frank: I'd like it if u were Debra!
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #374
Robert: [referring to the wedding magazines] Where did u get these?
Ray: The krantenkiosk, kiosk -- it was so embarrassing. I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #375
Frank: First of all, if I have anything to say about your mother, I'm not afraid to say it right to her face... seconde of all, those are not jokes.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #402
Ray: I'm not going to make those jokes anymore.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: Will u still cook for me?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Will u take your clothes off?
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #376
Raymond: Maybe u should cut them some slack.
Robert: What?
Raymond: Yeah 'cause they mean well... y'know?... Well, mom means well, dad's just, mean.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #377
Robert: Apparently if u leave melk out for twelve weeks, it goes bad and then explodes. [holds a candle] However, this is lavender bouquet.
Raymond: Can we use it to light the apartment on fire?
Debra: Robert, do u have any meer candles?
Frank: of an old sneaker I can bury my face in?
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #378
Raymond: People! Shut up all of u guys. Debra's not feeling well, bio... hormonally.
Frank: Oh! Got it. The enemy within.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #400
Debra: Oh, would u STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 508 - Young Girl #388
Ray: Let me tell u something Robert, there's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra u see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see: Darth Debra.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #391
Ray: If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood, one would be correct in assuming that the book was scary, of exciting of had something devil-y in it, wouldn't one?
Robert: One would.
Ray: Well then one would be wrong!
Robert: What's going on Raymond?
Ray: Debra wants me to read this so we have stuff in common. But I swear this sucker's like a horse tranquilizer.
Here, listen to this first line. "Imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed" what does that mean? What does that mean?? Tell me right now what does that mean???
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #392
Debra: Have u read any of that book?
Ray: I read a lot.
Debra: Yeah? What's it about?
Ray: It's, it's about a rain that's so beautiful, I can't even believe it existed.
Debra: That's the first line, you've read ONE LINE!
Ray: And I was gonna read the volgende line when I came out of my COMA!
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #393
Ray: This boter is the perfect temperature slash density.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 522 - Say Uncle #304
Frank: Marie, what the hell? One seconde u were making me pancakes, the volgende seconde you're gone... which would be great if there were pancakes.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 612 - Season's Greetings #313
[about the Christmas letter from ten years prior]
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Contributed door evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 618 - The Breakup Tape #315
Ray: So I have to live in a museum of your erotic past.
Debra: It's not a museum.
Ray: So u admit... it was erotic!
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #316
Frank: Let me tell u about life.
Ray: Great. We're gonna hear the meaning of life from a man who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called "Protecting your sandwich".
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #317
Ray: What, u don't think I can do it? I'll do it, I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: I'll tell u what, Ray. u can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
Contributed door evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 620 - A Vote For Debra #318
Debra: u were stuffing your pants with food!
Ray: I'm your husband, you're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 625 - The First Time #319
Debra: Oh, honey, honey, not tonight, okay? How about tomorrow?
Ray: How about we start tonight and go til tomorrow?
Debra: We'd have to start at 11:59, then.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 705 - Who Am I? #320
Ray: Are u having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Right. He's 60 years old, got one eye, and he smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how u like it.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 712 - Grandpa Steals #321
Robert: Your daughter, your problem.
Ray: You're stupid, you're ugly.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 714 - Just A Formality #322
Debra: u listen to me Robert. This is between u and Amy. Her parents
are just going to have to get used to the idea. But it's your life. u do what u want to do.
Ray: Until u get married. Then u do what she wants to do.
Contributed door evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 715 - The Disciplinarian #323
Ray: Come on. You've seen me lay down the law, right?
Frank: I've seen u lay down.
Contributed door evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 717 - Meeting The Parents #324
Frank: Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: And u can stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: u can say "heck" all u want, He knows u mean "Hell"!
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 718 - The Plan #403
[After Robert messes up the wedding invitations]
Amy: And what's this? 'Attire optional?' It's supposed to be 'black tie optional.' 'Attire optional' means 'maybe naked'! There's going to be nude people... at the church... on a Wednesday!
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 720 - Who's Next? #325
Marie: u stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: u weren't just talking, u were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 722 - Baggage #401
Debra: I have to do everything around here! I swear, if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done!
Frank: Well, that's because...now, take it easy...-that's how it's supposed to be.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - home pagina From School #326
Michael: I don't have any homework!
Ray: Woahwoahwoawoa... who do u think you're dealing with here huh? I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your mother to not ask me to do stuff, okay?... I know all the angles pal, I know all the excuses. If my dog Shamsky had eaten as much homework as I zei he woulda pooped the encyclopedia britannica.
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - home pagina From School #327
Michael: I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally zei "Mommy."
Ray: u called the teacher "Mommy?" Why? Was the teacher yelling?
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 804 - Misery Loves Company #311
Robert: You're so closed off. Holding your wife's hand could be pleasurable for you. And meer importantly, it might allow her to feel wanted and loved door you.
Raymond: How does that get me out of laundry?
Robert: If u could connect with your wife emotionally, then perhaps u wouldn't see doing laundry as a chore. u might do it willingly, for her, as a gesture of love.
Raymond: u are an idiot wrapped in a moron.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 814 - Lateness #328
Debra: u used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: u were worth waiting for, but after fifteen years, u should be here door now!
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 816 - Security #329
Marie: Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 821 - The Model #330
Marie: I always thought Robert was a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was meer of a "look at that."
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #331
Debra: Look at all the scribbles on this notebook! "Tommy and Ally Forever," "Ally Hearts Tommy," "Ally Sanders."
Ray: Oh, look. u see? That's not even Ally's notebook.
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #332
Amy: u know, Deb, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time, in Church choir, we were all supposed to sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my vrienden and I sang "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses!"
Contributed door Courtney E


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #333
Robert: What about when I was 13 years old, and my basketbal coach called me "The Useless Giraffe?"
Frank: u were six foot five. u couldn't grab a couple of rebounds?
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #334
Ray: If x equals lame, that guy is 4 times x!
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 906 - Boys' Therapy #335
[Frank is reading a paper on the track horses]
Frank: we gotta bet this horse. It's unbeatable! It's unstoppable.
Robert: Marie's Mouth
Ray: This is a sign!
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 911 - The Faux Pas #336
Debra: I want to assure u that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks meer than all of us.
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #337
Frank: Hey, could u pass the salt?
Marie: What did u say?
Frank: I want to put some salt on this.
Marie: In 47 years of marriage, you've never salted my lasagna!
Frank: Marie, it's bad enough it needs it. u gotta remind me how long we've been married?
Contributed door evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #338
Robert: u know, Dad, I have to say, I'm surprised that u can't appreciate the interplay of these flavors--the smokiness of the ham, delicately contrasting with the sweetness of the egg custard.
Frank: Why don't u put on a dress and do a dance?
Contributed door evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 913 - Sister-In-Law #339
Amy: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank: Amy, will u marry me?
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #340
Robert: Yeah, I always know when Amy's in the mood, cause she gives me this little sly smile.
Ray: Yeah... I think she's saying hurry up and get it over with.
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #341
Ray: It's like the meer I turn her down, the meer she wants it. She's like a guy!
Contributed door Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #342
Robert: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray: If there's any material left over, maybe u can make yourself a little skirt.
Contributed door Courtney E