Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting volgende to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it’s going to shatter. u oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give u a nice zitplaats, stoel in the first-class carriage — and a banaan for your monkey.”
Guy in a bibliotheek walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, u know you’re in a library, right?”
Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After avondeten, diner the father asks, “Now, son, what did u want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what u see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “And what do u deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, u idiot, it means that somebody stal our tent.”
During a cold winter dag a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!
Patient: Doctor, please can u help me out?
Doctor: Yes, u may make your way out the same way u come in.
Teacher: John, tell me your datum of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!
What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!
What will be a Math teacher’s favoriete dish?
Pi!
Sam called helpdesk to solve his computer issue.
Helpdesk: “Sir click on “my computer” icoon to the left of computer screen”
Sam: “my left of your left?”!
AND ONE meer FOR APPRECIATING MY vorige ARTICLE
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are u at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if u like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped door the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$68,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one meer thing….The house we wanted last jaar is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see u later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?
WILL TRY TO POST meer LATER!
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give u a nice zitplaats, stoel in the first-class carriage — and a banaan for your monkey.”
Guy in a bibliotheek walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, u know you’re in a library, right?”
Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After avondeten, diner the father asks, “Now, son, what did u want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what u see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “And what do u deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, u idiot, it means that somebody stal our tent.”
During a cold winter dag a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!
Patient: Doctor, please can u help me out?
Doctor: Yes, u may make your way out the same way u come in.
Teacher: John, tell me your datum of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!
What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!
What will be a Math teacher’s favoriete dish?
Pi!
Sam called helpdesk to solve his computer issue.
Helpdesk: “Sir click on “my computer” icoon to the left of computer screen”
Sam: “my left of your left?”!
AND ONE meer FOR APPRECIATING MY vorige ARTICLE
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are u at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if u like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped door the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$68,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one meer thing….The house we wanted last jaar is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see u later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?
WILL TRY TO POST meer LATER!
The sky turned as dark as the eerie path in an endless cave as I walked briskly up the pathway of my new house. I finally reached the door and the strong, cold wind howled in my ears and tore away the last of autumn's golden leaves. I took a deep breath, opened the door and cautiously stepped inside. I was greeted door a grand entrance hall and the greatest flight of stairs I've ever seen! I decided to take a tour around this magnificent mansion. "Am I dead of am I alive?" I'd whisper, absolutely stunned. I opened the door of my new bedroom. I felt a buzz of excitement erupt in me. There was a portrait that hung over the king size bed. It was of a girl with long, wavy ginger hair. she wore a navy ball japon, jurk and her eyes shone like sapphires. I unpacked my bags, got into my PJs and read a chapter of my book.
Could This be The Proof of Life We've Been Looking For?
curiosity rover
“You can’t!” I screeched, griping the thick gras beneath my paws.
“The whole forest will belong to the Pack of Shadows!” the dark wolf exclaimed enthusiastically, his vacht, bont flickering like shadows, “No wolf will stop us!”
I have to do something! I couldn’t let it end like this! Not with the alpha in this state! Not with the pack spleet, split in four!
“Out of my way pup!” he tossed me aside like a tiny mouse.
“No!” I leaped at him, biting and clawing with all my strength.
“This is pointless! u cannot defeat me she-wolf!” I felt him bite me and fling me away again. I was too tired to verplaats now, after traveling this far without resting, I can no longer breathe enough to live.
I’m over; this is the end of the Pack of Ice! I lay winded and defeated, awaiting death’s arrival patiently.
1. Leaving holes in the backstory.
As learned from Marty Chan, the human imagination is not only the most beautiful place in the world, it can also be the most horrific. If a person leaves some space empty (ex: "Tara disappeared after the encounter and was never heard from again....") , your mind will immediately fill it in, your imagination coming up with the most grisly scenario possible....
2. Waiting a REALLY long time for the killer/ monster to toon up.
The person becomes bored and even slightly drowsy, which makes them meer vulnerable to fear. If the antagonist pops up about halfway through (especially out of nowhere, and at night) they'll jump up as though just awaken from a nightmare. A little humor will definitely help if you're planning on doing this.
As learned from Marty Chan, the human imagination is not only the most beautiful place in the world, it can also be the most horrific. If a person leaves some space empty (ex: "Tara disappeared after the encounter and was never heard from again....") , your mind will immediately fill it in, your imagination coming up with the most grisly scenario possible....
2. Waiting a REALLY long time for the killer/ monster to toon up.
The person becomes bored and even slightly drowsy, which makes them meer vulnerable to fear. If the antagonist pops up about halfway through (especially out of nowhere, and at night) they'll jump up as though just awaken from a nightmare. A little humor will definitely help if you're planning on doing this.
