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posted by Canada24
#1:
Debbie: RPG's aren't that bad.
(Jon throws "BASICALLY A FACT IN BROAD TERMS" onto screen)
Debbie's Teacher: Spells, poison, battles, maiming, killing?
Debbie: Yeah, but it's all imagination
Debbie's Teacher: IS IT?!
Jon: Is it, Debbie? Well I suggest u read a totally real book that has absolutely no poisoning, maiming of killing and it called the Holy Bible an- (pauses, staring blankly as he raises up the Bible) (whispery).. Oh no... that book-that book done got that.

#2:
Jon: We're here to watch, Howling ll, your sisters a werewolf.
Sister: JON! How could u say that about me?!
Jon: Whatever, you're going through puberty, it's normal!

#3:
Penny: Drugs can get u in big trouble. u can go to principal's office, of go to jail.
Jon: There's a pretty big jump between those two.
Penny: u can't watch TV of eat pizza.
Jon: I'm out. No pizza? Can't watch TV, can't eat pizza? Go to jail? Can't eat pizza? Won't do 'em.
Penny: Recess is good. Hamsters are good.
Jon: Hamsters are goo...? Hamsters are good? How are..? Penny, you're getting off track.

#4:
Woman: I didn't go around calling myself a farter.
Jon: Well that's probably a good thing, I don't know if u wanna go around doing that, calling yourself that.
Woman: In my head, I was a social farter.
Jon: (Puzzled look)
Woman: I only farted occasionally.
Jon: I'm getting uncomfortable, I don't really like this, can we turn this one off?
Woman: And my boyfriend called me out on it.
Jon: And good on him. He's taking it right where it matters.
Woman: I even woke up in the morning craving a fart.
Jon (sarcastically): Nice one guys, sick metaphor. u slipped it right in. I can't believe how smart u were for writing that.

#5:
Nitro: ARE u READY TO RPG?!
Jon (taking out an RPG-7): Oh, motherfucker, I was born ready!
Nitro: Then let's get ready to RPG!!!
Party: RPG! RPG! RPG!
Jon: Well if u say so!
(Fires a rocket at Marcie and Debbie)
(Cue a shout of "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" followed door a building exploding)

#6:
JonTron: Let's celebrate. Yeah! Ugly people never win! That's the moral of the story, guys!

#7:
JonTron: Oh geez. Oh darn it. They got fat.

#8:
Jon: Oh, now that's cool I'm jumpin', I'm jivin'... (Vanilla Ice finally appears) Annnnnd, It's gone! It's gone, It's absolutely gone, it's ruined, unsalvageable...

#9:
When Ice's character sees a pretty girl on a horse, he, for whatever reason decides to jump his motorbike over the fence to greet her, scaring the horse enough to knock her off. Understandably enraged that he nearly killed her, she punches him which Ice respondes door saying ''"what's your problem!?"
Jon: Yeah what's your problem!? u acting like I just jumped a fence on a motorcycle making u fall off your horse, and nearly break your spine! What are you, some kinda, (draws rectangle with hands) some kinda square?!

#10:
Jon: Agh! I hate it when my computer combusts because my own blood from my blood bag is spilling on my computer AAAAAGHHH! If only there was some way to fix this!
(A hand comes out of nowhere and sloppily slaps flex tape onto the hole)
Jon: Of course! The solution was Flex Tape!

#11:
Jon: FLEX TAPE! Okay, u heard about this stuff! I mean, this is basically— have u heard of JESUS?! WELL EVEN HE COULDN'T DO AS MUCH AS FLEX TAPE, APPARENTLY!!

#12:
Phil: (grunting with each stab) That's a lotta damage!
Jon: That's a LOTTA DAA MIDGE
Phil: That's a lotta damage!
Jon: That's not that much damage, really, Phil. That's not—it could be worse...

#13:
Jon: Dude, you're number one.
Sergio: No, you're number one.
Jon: No, you're number one.
Sergio: No, you're number one.
Jon (now meer angry): Dude, u are number one!
Sergio: No, u are number one!
Jon: M***, u ARE NUMBER ONE!
Sergio: [visibly Corpsing] NO, M***, u ARE NUMBER ONE!
Jon: I WILL F*** KILL YOU!!!

#14:
Jon: But anyways, this wodka is very special. Mainly because Dan Aykroyd is uh, 100% butt-fuck insane.

#15:
Jon: (ringing a loud bell) Four minuten and fifty six seconds! That's four minuten and fifty-six seconden this man took to say the word wodka in this commercial about VODKA!

#16:
Gwyneth: This is the shiiiit!
Jon: Don't curse, Gwyneth-(a train horn goes off in the distance) SHUT THE FUCK UP! Don't curse, Gwyneth.

#17:
In video, guy starts fanboying at seeing Elijah Wood on the plane
Jon: Aw dude, (camera zooms into guy volgende to Elijah) That's a sweet hat!

#18:
Nito (gets disturbingly close to the girls)
Debbie: We're...
Macie: Just leaving:
Jon: Oh hi, Just Leaving, I'm *blows whistle* RAPE!!!

#19:
Ben: That's a fake. That's not my sister.
Jenny: Ben I know those people.
Jon: PROOF!!!

#20:
anilla Ice: So what's it like?
Girl: What's what like?
Ice: u know, having.. Parents.. Brothers.. All that, stuff.. Y'know?
Jon (dressed as alien): I am simply asking a normal human vraag out of curiosity not to mine data HUMAAAAANNNNNN!!!

#21:
Jon (singing): BLOOOOOOOOOD DICE! BLOOOOOOOOOD DICE! D&D WILL! GIVE YOU! AAAAAAAIDS! THEN YOU'LL GO TO HELL WITH ALL THE CATHOLICS AND JEWS AND PLAY MAGIC THE GATHERING WITH SATAAAAAAAAAN!!!
(later)
Jon (singing): PLAAAYIN' GAMES WITH AN EVIL WITCH WOMAN "WHO'S DEFINITELY COLLEGE AGE", WAIT, WHY DID THAT GUY JUST BLOW SMOKE OUT OF HIS FACE?! THAT'S WEIRD... When u die in the game, u die in real life, except ya don't, u go back to your dorm and play some GTA V!!

#22:
Dad character: My real name, is Hacket.. James Anthony Hackett, Jimmy.
Jon: Jimbo, Jim-Jar, sometimes down at the pub they'd call me Dan, but my name isn't "Dan". I was once visited door an alien species. They referred to me as [cue incomprehensible distortion]. I've never been able to unhear of unsee that.

#23:
Jon: We get it, Rareware! u used to be cool! Can-can u get on with it? STOP!.. STOP IT!.. STOP TAUNTING ME!

#24:
"STOP!!"

#25:
Jon: Cars?.. Cars!?.. CAAAAARS!?
Jon: (scream singing) AND IIIIIIIII!!
Jon: (normal) hulst, holly S***!!
Jon: (scream singing) WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOUU!!
Jon: (normal) CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!? GODDAMMIT!, HOW CAN u DO THIS TO ME!?!?

#26:
Jon: She's sinking! The plot is sinking! Quick, hire the emergency writers! (tosses a bunch of script pages out the window)

#27:
Jon: ...the fuck am I looking at right now? Am I looking at u dreaming about being at the strand while you're at the FUCKIN' BEACH?!

#28:
Jon: And let me tell ya, that's not the only talking cat I got in this house. And no, door the way, I am not referring to Talking Tom.
(Cut to a picture of Talking Tom and Angela, all with screaming in the background. Zooms into Tom's face, then zooms into Tom and Angela's hands.)

#29:
Phil: Vroom, vroom! Beep '! Beep beep!
Chris: Why do u always do that, dad?
Jon: Yeah, dad, every dag with this shit, I'm sittin' here, readin' my book, u waltz in the door make a car noise at me, I'm supposed to like it? (Begins putting on a large bib) Well fuck u dad, honestly, if it was a choo-choo train noise, maybe I would laugh, but a car noise? What do I look like to you, some sorta big baby?! (Puts a pacifier in his mouth and starts shaking a rattle)

#30:
Susan: Just help me find my shoes, okay? of I won't feed u this week.
Jon: (With additional reverb) What a big happy family we got here.

#31:
After wandering around for the entire movie, Duffy finally makes a contribution to the plot...by immediately getting run over door a car.
Jon: (long moment of horrified silence) ...Well that cat ain't talking no more, I'll tell ya that much.

#32:
In response to Luther, "like a normal person", handing out flyers to everyone in his office that he isn't doing Christmas, Jon wonders who would actually care. Cut to two employees (one played door Jon) getting zei flyers.
Employee 1 (Jon): I’m letting u know I‘ll be, skipping Christmas… (shakes with tranquil fury, crumbles paper)
Employee 2: (calmly, to himself) Go ahead... Run... But we will find you.

#33:
After Luther (rather rudely) explains why he isn't buying a Christmas tree,
Jon: Yeah fuck u for trying to celebrate the spirit of christmas while making my life veilig warm and convenient!! (slams down christmas tree)
Jon (while pissing on the tree) How's this for a Merry Christmas, u bunch a' young innocent children trying to foster a loving community spirit?!

#34:
Luther sees cruise ad, smiles to himself.
Jon (spits) Fuck christmas! I’ll rather drink my own urine than celebrate christmas! (to viewer) Thanks for watching my christmas special everyone, be veilig (spits)

#35:
Jon: Okay. One.
Jacques: What even.
Jon: I counted u in—
Jacques: Go to fucking hell.

#36:
Judge: u weren't happy being the youngest. u didn't accuss the way things were, role the clip.
Matt in clip: Reality, who needs it, I hate reality.
17 LIFE SENTENCES
5 LETHAL INJECTIONS
10 DECADES OF FAMILIAL SHAMING
Jon: The moral of this story is "Never think, of else the secret police might catch u and kill u no matter what!”

#37:
Matt: Endorse? Endorse what?!
Jon (as Matt): I thought sports were played outdorse.

#38:
Jon: (cheerfully) Oh, Larry. u jus- a- st- you're a fucking asshole.

#39:
Game: This takes place Steptember.
Jon: What a relief, it’s not even the scary month.
Game corrects it to October.
Jon (horrified) OH, DAT'S THE ONE!!!

#40:
Girl in game: From now on, what kind of place will we be living in?
Guy in game: That’s the fifth time you['ve] asked!
Jon: Yeah, well, maybe it'd be the last time if u just fucking told me!

#41;
Jon: It's Christmas time. A time to spend with friends, family, and of course little baby Jesus over here! How u enjoying your birthday, buddy? enjoy it while u can, I mean they do some "fucked up" shit to you! Like, they fuck u up, dude.

#42:
"What else could ever happen to us, today?”
Jon: Lady, u just got turned into a horse! I'm 'onna say sky's the limit!

#43:
"HOW u LIVIN' CHICKEN BOY?"
Jon (dressed as a chicken): Well first of all, that insult could've used some work. seconde of all, the pain and humiliation I feel daily are immense. For someone like u to cut someone like me deeper...Well, u must have problems yourself buddy, so I feel bad for you. (whips out a nunchuck and begins swinging it around awkwardly) AND HOW FUCKING DARE u SAY THAT TO ME I'M GONNA MAKE u FOR-REGRET THOSE GODDAMN WORDS!!

#44:
Snow White: This is my song. I am singing it now.
Jon: Aw, sick lyrics, dude! Sick song! (Jon pulls a lighter out of his pocket and starts waving it back and forth)

#45:
Jon in Elsa's dress.
THIS WAS A MISTAAAAAKE!!!

#46:
L.O.G.: In line with Banjo tradition, your challenge will consist of collecting as many pointless objects as possible.
(Record Needle Scratch)
Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! u JUST HOLD ON A SECOND!
(cut to a fat Banjo running and picking up coins at a horrendously slow pace)
Jon: HAHAHAHA GET IT? BECAUSE BANJO-KAZOOIE WAS TOTALLY "THIS" TEDIOUS! (cut to black) (Jon's voice far away) HOLY SHIT!!!
Why on earth did I stop last time.. Season 3 is friggin awesome.. I clearly wasn't patient enough last time..

PLOT:
Walter wishes to reunite his family, but Skyler is still suspicious of Walter's seconde life. Walter believes he can mend the tension between them door confessing to her that he has been producing meth. Skyler is appalled door the confession and demands a formal divorce. Meanwhile, Gus offers to pay Walter US$3M for three months of his service. He even offers to provide Walter with a state-of-the-art production facility and a brilliant lab assistant, Gale (David Costabile). Jesse is...
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Picture this. You're a newspaper boy in the 1880's and your headlines just don't seem to be selling as well as they used to. Therefore, your company decides to change things up and start lying just a LITTLE bit.

...Well, at least of your definition of lying a LITTLE bit is completely changing the titel of your papers to something amusing and spreading misinformation just to rake in meer cash from the public. And mine is!

So today, people. We're going to go dive headfirst into the world of clickbait. But first and foremost, the most important vraag of them all.

What exactly IS clickbait?

Basically...
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Are u bored? Do u have the humor of a 10 jaar old boy? Do u like muziek that doesn't have a real point? Do u like muziek that will make your grandma look at u with disappointment in her eyes!? If u answered yes to any of these vragen then here is a lijst for you. Swigity Swoogity here comes muziek about that booty!

Black Eye'd Peas - My Hump
Big Sean - Dance
Jason Derulo - Wiggle
Dev - Booty Bounce
Bubba Sparxxx - Mrs New Booty
I Can't Wait For The Booty (Disney/Mrs New Booty)
Under The Booty (Disney/Mrs New Booty Mashup)
John hart-, hart - Who Booty
Ugly God - Booty From A Distance
Ugly God -...
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added by PsychoTeddy
Source: Sugar Glider
added by shaneoohmac13
posted by alexischaos2004
Greetings, my name is Alexis. Welcome to my world of rants. Today's rant is about Youtube and the major fuckups that dwell there. So, kom bij me on this marvelous cyber adventure, as we'll encounter monsters such as Devon Sweeney, Sam Pepper, and the legendary Tupac of Youtube.


Ah... Youtube. You're one of my favoriete websites in the entire history of the internet. The content u toon me is truly enlightening. I always watch the videos u have on display... It's just the best experience that anyone could ever ask for. I love you, Youtube.


WELL NOT ENTIRELY! This video sharing website may be one...
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(Let's get this out of the way right now. If you're taking this artikel even remotely seriously, then u probably aren't as smart as u think u are. Enjoy! XD)

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul." -Elder Uchtdorf

The desire to create actual GOOD content though is a completely different story, it'd seem. So get out'cher popcorn, soda, and whatever the hell else humanity gives people nowadays, because I'm about to teach your pathetic lowlifes how to make a good Fanpop article! ^_^

(Safety Not Guaranteed o_O)

First off, u need to think of a good title. Y'know,...
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#1: BLACK FIN:
30 years ago, Seaworld wasn't exactly at it's brightest of lights. As a film known as "Black Fin" reveals the tragic truth of the largest known, captive Orca.. tilikum.
The film reveals Tilikum was captured near Iceland in November of 1983, over 30 years ago. At only 2 years old, when he was approximately 13 feet long, he was torn away from his family and ocean home.
And, long story short, he might of been bullied door the other Orcas.
This eventually leading to Tilikum killing 3 trainers.
The most famish being the violent death of Dawn Brancheau.
It's believed Tilikum was acting very...
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posted by TheMagicLoki
I just released an update stating that I would not include video games in the schildpad Sandwiches... then someone suggested a video game. So I started thinking once again and I came to the conclusion that saying video games were going to be part of it and then not having them be part of it was really annoying. Sorry for changing this and then immediately unchanging part of the change, but I'm fairly confident in this even newerly new setup, and hopeful that it will work permanently. So here is the new schedule that will not change:
posted by TheMagicLoki
Unfortunately, I have been caught up in other issues for the past week and there is thus no new schildpad belegd broodje, sandwich this week. But I am writing this to establish many things, seeing as although I didn't have much "doing stuff" time, I had plenty of time to think.

1. Despite delays individual to this week, I will have time in the future to make this work on a weekly basis, and so it will stay that way.
2. I have thought meer about how video games would work with this, and decided that they actually wouldn't.
3. Between films and TV shows, I want there to be some schedule for the order of them. But I also realize that I watch films far meer often than entire seasons of TV shows, and that a lot of people are probably the same on that. Therefore, for every month, I will select the last Tuesday to be for TV shows, and the rest will be movies.

I am sorry for failing this city (or whatever city u might live in) this week, but I will attempt to make meer time for this in the future.
added by shaneoohmac13
added by shaneoohmac13
posted by PeacefulCritic
Major Spoilers Alert
Happy Halloweenish everyone!Today I’m going to review a very nostalgia Halloween classic for me. That’s very unique to say the least, Caroline of Coraline whichever one u prefer to call it. So let’s get to it, starting with the story.

Story:
The story stars a certain blue haired girl named Coraline who isn't amused of her new life in Oregon.Then suddenly she comes across a mysterious, small door that opens to a whole new world. This other world is very much to fit what Coraline wishes her life to be like, but she is unaware of the dark secrets within the new world.There’s...
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added by tanyya
added by tanyya
posted by Hades_Shadow
For all Wreck-it Ralph fans out there, here is a club I made here to create and play as your own character from any of the games in the Movie! So far we have the Games of Fix-it Felix Jr., Sugar Rush, and Heroes Duty! I would have just made a link but it would not add it here, so here it is!

To those who stumble on this article, Welcome! This will be the Role Play for those who love the Movie Wreck-It Ralph. This page itself is for u to game jump. u can share things with different characters, go try your luck in another game, and mainly to make friends. There will be a couple rules, but...
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posted by kicksomebut23
DO IT!!! JUST....DO IT!

Don't let others stop u from your dreams. Don't ever give up reaching your dreams . Don't never EVER give up! JUST...DO IT!
Don't be afraid to climb higher than others In the mountain. Don't be afraid to be yourself. JUST...DO IT! Be yourself and stand up for what u believe. Express yourself. Don't become a faker. Don't follow others and try to be like them because if u do....you will be giving less respect and lose confidence. If u Like Anime, boeken , A Certain Artist, of whatever....love it because its u and your opinion. Don't make others change u and stop...
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posted by slenderman777
Item #: SCP-509

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-509-A and SCP-509-B are both to be contained on-site, due to their immobility. Each is to be cordoned off, and any members of the public turned away. Outside of research and maintenance purposes, no humans of pigs, living of dead, are to be allowed into either structure. Personnel may safely enter and leave SCP-509-A and SCP-509-B within four minuten of activation and while inactive.

After testing, any living humans recovered from SCP-509-B are to be trained as Level 0 personnel and assigned to minimal security positions. Personnel...
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added by 3xZ
When I was ten, I played a late night game of flashlight tag with a bunch of neighborhood kids. If u don't know what flashlight tag is, it's the same as tag, but u play it in the dark, the person who's "it" gets a flashlight, and they have to yell the name of the person they see with it in order to "tag" them. It was really cloudy that night, and most people had their curtains drawn, so it was the perfect level of darkness for hiding in.

The side of the straat my house was on was skirted door a broad length of woods. That was basically the boundary for our side of the game. u could run through...
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