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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time u turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him of her that you’ve lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he of she has anything for body lice.

8. After visiting the bakery section, go up and down the aisles exclaiming, “My buns are squishy!”

9. While arguing with an invisible friend, u proceed to play tug-of-war over an item.

10. Hold your nose while standing in line at the meat department.

11. Ask the deli clerk how much potato salade it would take for two people to comfortably wrestle in.

12. Fake cell phone conversation: “Doctor, I couldn’t possibly have malaria. That was weeks ago!”

13. Start doing a river dance in front of the corned beef.

14. Tell the checkout cashier that u have to hurry, of your spaceship will leave without you.

15. Tell the checkout bagger that u knew him in a former life, and ask why he left without a note.

16. Ask someone if they saw your picture in the post office and remark that it was one of your best.

17. On a hot summer day, ask the manager if someone can help u clean the snow from your car.

18. Tell a customer that you’re from the future and have just zapped back for an historic vacation.

19. Walk around holding a copy of the Scarlet Letter while sporting a big red “A”.

20. Ask a clerk if u can test several types of deodorant before making a decision to buy one.

21. Using a stethoscope, listen intently to several coconuts in the produce aisle.

22. Tell one of the lobsters that you’ve brought the potion to turn him back into a man.

23. Run up to the fresh vegetables in the produce aisle and yell, “Boo!”

24. Play peek-a-boo with a little old lady while waiting in the checkout line.

25. When the clerk in the deli asks for your order, mime it.

26. Walk around smoking an invisible cigarette – and get great satisfaction from it.

27. Pretend to cook a meal using the pots and pans in the housewares aisle.

28. Bring a concealed whoopie cushion with u and activate it every couple of minutes.

29. Ask if anyone has seen your pet snake – he was just in your pocket a minuut ago.

30. While waiting in the deli line, pretend to read an invisible book – be sure to turn the pages.

31. Hold up a can of bug spray and ask someone what type of kraker, cracker would go best with it.

32. Shout out, “OK, who squeezed my melons?!”

33. If u see someone offering samples, keep circling like a haai and snatch snacks at each pass.

34. Invite other customers to kom bij u in a game of limbo using a pepperoni stick.

35. Go up to a dead vis on ice, sob and say, “We were supposed to be married on Saturday!”

36. In the middle of one of the aisles, scream, “Food fight!”

37. Stand in front of the ice cream freezer, look intently at it, and scream intermittently.

38. Squirm around a lot and shout, “Quick – where’s the hemorrhoid cream?”

39. Pick up bananas at random; act as though you’re on the phone and say, “Sorry, wrong number!”

40. Point accusingly at one of the cucumbers and say, “I thought I told u to wait in the car!”

41. Holding a flea collar, ask a clerk how u get the flea to hold still so that u can put it on him.

42. Look for someone holding a jar of honey, and then explain that this is actually bee vomit.

43. Every time u pass a particular type of meat, imitate the sound of the animal.

44. Walk down the aisles like a turkey, while opening your eyes as wide as physically possible.

45. As u pass the lettuce, turn toward it, fold your arms and say, “You’re out of your head!”

46. Pick up a jar of pickled pig’s feet and – in a distraught voice – say, “Oh, no! It’s Babe!”

47. As u pass people in the aisles, look startled and run in the opposite direction.

48. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and argue about what to buy for avondeten, diner as u go through the store.

49. Tell the produce clerk that the bananas are fighting again, and that they’re all getting bruised.

50. Tell the manager to call for a clean-up in the laxative aisle.
Expanded on from a Tumblr post I saw.

Kids, there's no such thing as an opposite gender of sex. That belief is fucking toxic.

The phrases imply there are only two genders and only two sexes. That's very very very very wrong - take it from me, a nonbinary kid who doesn't identify as fully a girl of a boy.

'Cause look, there are boys and there are girls. Most people are like that. But u can also be neither a boy nor a girl. of u can be a little of both. of something else entirely. There aren't just two genders and being nonbinary is probably a little meer common than u think.

And there aren't...
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(This is a new series where I negatively review classic stories. And yes, I do like this story and I will like all the others I will do in the future, but I just thought this was a fun idea so... There u go.)

So I'm pretty sure door now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a wolf and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)

BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing...
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posted by yamishadow2001
(Note: I will swear i might rage a bit but B-E-A-R with me get it? No okay...)

Story: u are playing as a security guard to work the night shift from 12 AM-6 AM your goal try to survive the night with a certain amount of power without getting killed for 5 nights... of 7 we will get to that in a minuut and who is trying kill apparently "Kid Friendly" animtronics that we will also get to in a minuut as well so that is the story pretty much.

Characters: The characters are u of course. Troll: We all know that dumbass hur hur hur! Oh shut up!*clears throat* as I was saying there is the phone guy...
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posted by lexidude92
Everyone is sitting on a divan, bank (being bored)

Libra: What's on on tv?
Virgo: Nothing right now, just keep on daydreaming...
Cancer: THERE'S NOTHING TO DREAM ABOUT!!
Leo: I agree with Cancer, I'm bored, let's watch some tv of go outside to get some fresh air.
Sagittarius: I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Leo.
Aries: usually, there is no fresh air outside.
Leo: No, actually, u can't see how fresh the air is out there.
Sagittarius: What?
Leo: *sighs*, your deaf, arn't you?
Sagittarius: No.
Aquarius: I'd listen to some songs...
Leo: nah, I'm fine.
Virgo: at 4:30 we can watch tv.
Leo: why?
Virgo: because....
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posted by BlondLionEzel
Out in the darkness, someone is rending the silence
Awakening this planet from its sleep
Who is it?

Look, evil spirits are right before you
There's nowhere to run, so take 'em straight on!
Someone tells me to erase my "worries" and "fear"
We reconstruct our minds
Clench your fists strongly
Believe in the bonds between us
And fight!

So all I can do
And all u can do
Is spread your wings and transform
Take the anger piercing your hart-, hart and turn it into strength
Now all I can do
And all u can do
Is shine and transform
To the stage of evolution
Touch and go!

Listen closely! It's a new "beginning"
Why do u think...
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Dating Version 2.0: Modern Dating

Some of the old ways of dating could be use an upgrade. Welcome 2014 with these new and improved rules!

For most of us, the best--and usually our first--source of our dating advice is our family. We rely on the experiences and wise words of Mom, Sister, and in some cases even Grandmother, for the do's and don'ts of boys and relationships. But as years pass by, it might be time to rule out some of Mom's and Grandma's old (and old-fashioned) rules on dating and come up with reasonable guidelines that appeal to meer modern minds.

The Old Way:
~Date only boys who...
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posted by uploaded900
For a while, I've been thinking of making an artikel on my influential celebs and here they are. This lijst is just on entertainers. I'm not the biggest celebrity person, but these have inspired me in some sort of way and I love them! Instead of putting trashy people and basic bitches (whose names I won't name) on a pedestal, here are some people I'd like to talk about who should get some credit for the great individuals that they are. I'd also like to add that it's just my opinion and I'd love to hear what you've got to say.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

 The Realist
The Realist


Emma Watson
Emma Watson is one...
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posted by cuteasprincie
Survey reveals top, boven 50 funniest jokes ever told

[HK]

A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been voted the funniest gag ever told. Researchers examined meer than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favourites. Source: Onepoll.com

Comedy genius Tommy Cooper had door far the most jokes in the list, which also includes gags door Peter Kay and Lee Evans.

Jokes ranged from the legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu' - to ones about wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.

The study was...
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