This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually zei in court, word for word, taken down and published door court reporters. Just goes to toon how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are u sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were u in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: u forget? Can u give us an example of something u forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband zei to u that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do u know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: u do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the volgende morning?
WITNESS: Did u actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were u present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are u shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the datum of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were u doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are u for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: door death.
ATTORNEY: And door whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do u suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can u describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male of a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have u performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would u like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did u go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do u recall the time that u examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the tafel, tabel wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are u qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are u qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before u performed the autopsy, did u check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did u check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did u check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when u began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can u be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my bureau in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually zei in court, word for word, taken down and published door court reporters. Just goes to toon how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are u sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were u in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: u forget? Can u give us an example of something u forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband zei to u that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do u know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: u do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the volgende morning?
WITNESS: Did u actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were u present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are u shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the datum of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were u doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are u for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: door death.
ATTORNEY: And door whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do u suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can u describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male of a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have u performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would u like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did u go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do u recall the time that u examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the tafel, tabel wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are u qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are u qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before u performed the autopsy, did u check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did u check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did u check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when u began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can u be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my bureau in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
