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added by Moosick
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Source: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/random/picks/results/888993/canned-bread-vs-justin-bieber
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Source: ilol
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Source: icanrelate
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Source: tumblr
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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open door themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call u Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until u hear the penny u dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
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"We need" means "I want"

"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious door now"

"Do what u want "means" You'll pay for this later

"We need to talk" means "I need to complain


"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want u to.

"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, u moron."

"You're...so manly "means" u need a shave and u sweat a lot."

"You're certainly attentive tonight." means     "Is sex all u ever think about?"

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means     "I'm on my period."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means     "I...
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added by Ranty-cat
Source: Twitter
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added by DeiJambastion
Source: Dei
added by tanyya
posted by Nick16
Why did I get divorced????

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do u mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minuten later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.