These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to u as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If u are the phone company, I already sent the money. If u are my parents, please send money. If u are my financial aid institution, u didn't lend me enough money. If u are my friends, u owe me money. If u are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4....
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