Steve Vai - Fuck Yourself

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The volgende day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 jaar old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If u can catch me, u can have me."

Without a seconde thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the volgende four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs...

i wanna tell u something and u better listen good here.If there's something u really enjoy and u have a huge dream that your really passionate about then go after it.Don't be afraid to follow your hart-, hart because your hart-, hart will lead u to the right direction.Don't let anyone discourage u and idc who the heck they are.You are always going to meet 2 people in your life.One person will discourage u and tell u that u are never gonna make it and the other person will encourage u to follow u dreams and will believe in you.They will want u to follow your dreams.So listen to that...

I'm not trying to be abusive in any way, I just found this. I didn't write this.


Approximately 1-2% of humans, of about two in 100 people in the world, have red hair.j
The ancient Greeks believed that redheads would turn into vampires after they died.i
Otherwise dark hair may turn red of blond in cases of severe protein deficiency due to starvation.c
Red is the rarest hair color in humans
The most rare hair color in humans is red.b
During the Middle Ages, a child with red hair was thought to be conceived during “unclean sex” of during menstruation.b
Red hair doesn’t gray as much as other hair...

This eend walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do u have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the eend leaves.

The volgende day, the eend returns and asks, "Do u have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the eend leaves.

The dag after that, the eend walks in the store again and asks "Do u have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told u no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if u come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read vragen aloud, debate your antwoorden with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that u can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this vraag on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into...

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with u
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until u find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit u first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of u shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give u a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask...