*by Stephenie Meyer*



TWILIGHT - chapter 14 - MIND OVER MATTER


A long minuut passed. I listened, not sure if I'd heard the door close. Then Edward's cool arm was around me, under the covers, his lips at my ear.
"You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you."
"Darn it," I muttered. My hart-, hart was crashing in my chest.
He hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.
He paused. "Should I sing u to sleep?"
"Right," I laughed. "Like I could sleep with u here!"
"You do it all the time," he reminded me.
"But I didn't know u were here," I replied icily.
"So if u don't want to sleep...," he suggested, ignoring my tone. My breath caught.
"If I don't want to sleep...?"
He chuckled. "What do u want to do then?"
I couldn't answer at first.
"I'm not sure," I finally said.
"Tell me when u decide."
I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.
"I thought u were desensitized."
"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," he whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender... of feesia," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."
"Yeah, it's an off dag when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."
He chuckled, and then sighed.
"I've decided what I want to do," I told him. "I want to hear meer about you."
"Ask me anything."
I sifted through my vragen for the most vital. "Why do u do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how u can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that u do. I just don't see why u would bother in the first place."
He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and u are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But u see, just because we've been... delt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."
I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.
"Did u fall asleep?" he whispered after a few minutes.
"No."
"Is that all u were curious about?"
I rolled my eyes. "Not quite."
"What else do u want to know?"
"Why can u read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future... why does that happen?"
I felt him shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory... he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the volgende life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."
"What did he bring into the volgende life, and the others?"
"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her... tenacity. of u could call it pigheadedness," he chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, of excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."
I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He waited patiently while I thought.
"So where did it all start? I means, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on...."
"Well, where did u come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if u don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby zeehond, seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"
"Let me get this straight - I'm the baby seal, right?"
"Right." He laughed, and something touched my hair - his lips?
I wanted to turn toward him, to see if it was really his lips against my hair. But I had to be good; I didn't want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
"Are u ready to sleep?" he asked, interrupting the short silence. "Or do u have any meer questions?"
"Only a million of two."
"We have tomorrow, and the volgende day, and the next...," he reminded me. I smiled, ephoric at the thought.
"Are u sure u won't vanish in the morning?" I wanted this to be certain. "You are mythical, after all."
"I won't leave you." His voice had the zeehond, seal of a promise.
"One more, then, tonight..." And I blushed. The darkness was no help - I'm sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Bella, u can ask me anything."
I didn't answer, and he groaned.
"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"I'm glad u can't read my thoughts. It's bad anough that u eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.
I shook my head.
"If u don't tell me, I'll just asume it's something much worse than it is," he threatened darkly. "Please?" Again, that pleading voice.
"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.
"Yes?"
"You zei that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon.... Is that... marriage... the same as it is for humans?"
He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what u were getting at?"
I fidgeted, unable to answer.
"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind meer powerful desires."
"Oh, was all I could say.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well, I did wonder... about u and me... someday..."
He was instantly serious, I could tell door the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.
"I don't think that... that... would be possible for us."
"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that... close?"
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that u are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill u quite easily, Bella, simply door accident." His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it on my cheek. "If I was too hasty... if u one seconde I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull door mistake. u don't realize how incredibly breakable u are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
He waited for me to respond, growing anxious when I didn't. "Are u scared?" he asked.
I waited for a minuut to answer, so the words would be true. "No. I'm fine."
He seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I'm curious now, though," he sais, his voice light again. "Have you ever...?" He trailed off suggestively.
"Of course not." I flushed. "I told u I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."
"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."
"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," I sighed.
"That's nice. We have one thing in common, at least." He sounded satisfied.
"Your human instincts...," I began. He waited. "Well, do u find me attractive, in that way, at all?"
He laughed and lightly rumpled my nearly dry hair.
"I may not be a human, but I am a man," he assured me.
I yawned involuntarily.
"I've answered your questions, now u should sleep." he insisted.
"I'm not sure if I can."
"Do u want me to leave?"
"No!" I zei too loudly.
He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.
meer tired than I realized, exhausted from the long dag of mental and emotional stress like I'd never felt before, I drifted to sleep in his cold arms.