I can feel it, I can feel that never ending deep drag me in. It contrasts me, like night and day. Ice and flame.
Death is strong.
Am I stronger?
It’s a fight, literally, for my life. I’ve fought this battle before. It’s scary, because even the smallest of slip-ups can toon me what’ll happen if I were to lose. And it’s tempting. I see Mom, and Dad, and they’re alive. They’re there. Calling, waving. Pleading for me to come home. I can’t, I tell them, Not yet. I can’t.
And every time I do win, Delta and Robin are there, with me, telling me it’s okay. No one else understands why I’m crying. Why every night I wake up screaming. Why I won’t sleep every night. They won’t ever know.
So I fight.
This time, it was Aero who set me off. I had already been angry, and the phoenix in me screamed to be released. And it had.
Now, to Blade, Fang and Mercy, I was unconscious. I was simply passed out from overuse of energy I didn’t normally have. This wasn’t the real reason. No, my body was down, but my, in a word, soul, was up and at war with the bird of flame. And I fought... and fought... and fought again. So far, I hadn’t lost. So far.
Jessica. She did this. She knew it too, that goud attracts phoenixes highly. That it makes them uncontrollable and violent. And of course, she knew that I had a part of a phoenix in me. So when that bullet touched my skin, the goud stunned the phoenix in me so much that it took it’s own shape and mind. It decided that whenever it got the chance it would push me down and use my body for what it needed, sort of like a host. I wouldn’t dare let it. Yet the meer it brings itself out, the meer training it receives in the real world, and the harder it is to contain.
Could the dag the phoenix takes over be today?
I hope not.
Because I’m starting to consider the offer Phoebe gave me on talking with Jean Grey.
Finally, I’ve won. Maybe for the last time. But it as it may take a while to wake up, I can still hear and feel what’s going on around me.
They managed to get me into the infirmary, thank god. Batman is sitting with me. Just him. He’s telling me there was a mission, and the team went, as much as they wanted to stay. I’m surprised. It’s never everyone. What happened that I took so much attention?
He antwoorden my vraag unknowingly.
I’m suddenly even meer shocked.
I’d died.
Twice.
My physical body had died two times in one fight. But I still don’t understand why everyone cares. I probably never will.
Waking up three days later was hard. I had Robin and Delta there. Nathan kissed my cheek when he saw my hand tighten on the edge of the cot. There were hugs. Lots of hugs. I’d have to say, after Robin and Delta, Aisling and Blade nearly strangled me. I was happy. Elated, really. I was home.
How is it that we’re the most happy when death has made itself known, and yet passes us by?
How long can happiness truly last?