I've heard people say that letting go is hard to do. And it's true. But the meer I wandered, the meer I felt like I had to close something back there. Damn. There was always something. Oh well. Time to end it. I headed back, passing her grave again. I'll see u later sis. And I'll bring some decoration for you. I went back. Damn it all. I had never wanted to come back when I left. u just have to close one door to open another I guess. When I got there, it was broad daylight. So I hung around until it was well into the volgende morning. 3:00 a.m. No one would be up. I entered, heading down the hall.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking vooruit, voorwaarts to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was meer habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a minuut to wear off.”
She stayed still for a minuut and I turned the bureau light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have u been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do u want?”
“Did u really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were u on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did u just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! u played with me. I loved u Blade and u played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me u loved me was a game? Were u trying to make him jealous of something? Was I just some toy u could dispose of when u got what u wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, u used me. u used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted u happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will love you. Just don't expect me to be here when u two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like u going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so u know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who u fall in love with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let u down. Night kid.”
I go off the bed and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt meer at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the bloem out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the bloem opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. brand was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the bloem of smell like fire. The whole bloem smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little bloem helps to clear your hart-, hart and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken hart-, hart can open it anyways. But if u want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking vooruit, voorwaarts to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was meer habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a minuut to wear off.”
She stayed still for a minuut and I turned the bureau light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have u been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do u want?”
“Did u really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were u on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did u just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! u played with me. I loved u Blade and u played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me u loved me was a game? Were u trying to make him jealous of something? Was I just some toy u could dispose of when u got what u wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, u used me. u used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted u happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will love you. Just don't expect me to be here when u two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like u going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so u know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who u fall in love with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let u down. Night kid.”
I go off the bed and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt meer at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the bloem out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the bloem opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. brand was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the bloem of smell like fire. The whole bloem smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little bloem helps to clear your hart-, hart and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken hart-, hart can open it anyways. But if u want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.
