WWE was one of my favoriete things as a child. There was just something about watching big oiled up men in their underwear grabbing at each other and slamming their bodies into the ground- Is it any wonder I came out as a bisexual? Seriously, I do enjoy wrestling to an extent. I haven’t watched anything recently, I kinda stopped around the whole John Cena craze of the late 2000s and early 2010s. But with anything that is marketable to young kids like me, u gotta have video games of them, and there was no short supply of wrestling games. Today, we’ll be talking about Legends of Wrestling II… I never played the first one. Unfortunately, I had to buy two different versions of the game because I was stupid and didn’t realize that playing it on the PS2 was not going to cut it. I was actually supposed to buy the Gameboy Advance version. Let me tell you, I have not touched my Gameboy in years, and yet it still plays as good as it did when I was eight despite the pisspoor treatment it got from me and my siblings. So let’s see what makes Legends of Wrestling II (On Gameboy) so bad.



So the game starts us off with the Acclaim logo, what a brand that is, and then we get to the titel screen, complete with midi file music, oh boy. All your favoriete wrestlers are here. Hulk Hogan, Bret “Hitman” Hart, and several others that are retired of dead. I’m gonna go with Hulk Hogan because just like the Hulkster, I hate myself. u got a regular 1v1 match, career mode, and tournament mode. I decided to go with career mode to get that good story and we started off against Superfly (who?), Graham (who?) and The Sheik, who I believe was most populair known for his phrase “Fucking bullshit!”. Let’s see just how much fucking bullshit this is, and fucking bullshit it is. This is one of the worst controlling games I’ve ever played. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing in this game. I throw a stempel, punch expecting it to land, but I just get my ezel kicked harder than anyone else. This is a four member free for all match, and I can see the other AI opponents going nuts with their wrestling moves, but when I try, u gotta perform a quick time event, but there is no indication of when it will pop up and u have no time to react to it. u will always fail the prompt unless u stop attack completely, just tap the grab button once, and then wait for the cursor to land on either A of B. There aren’t many buttons on the Gameboy, yet this is the most complicated thing ever. It doesn’t help that the screen is really dark, even for the original Gameboy, which u needed a light bron to see due to there being no backlack. But the game is just dark on it’s own, it’s like the wrestlers are duking it out in the Shadow Realm. Turns out the copy I bought was used before and the person who owned it changed the difficulty to Legend. I decided to switch it to Jobber because fuck it. Now the cursor moves slower… but that doesn’t change shit. During a match with Owen Hart, I hit the B button right on the green, and I still got piledrived into the ground. But despite that, he can’t seem to handle my strategy of merely slapping him until he’s all dizzy until he falls on the floor and I get a pin in. Also the pins are wonky as all hell, it’s easier to just keep mashing the A button and slapping them until they are done for.
So yeah, that wasn’t a fun experience. It manages to have a big roster of jabronies and jobbers the likes of which have been seen many times, but with no two player mode (As far as I’m aware) u can’t even play this with your friends. Not that u would. It would be meer fun to actually endure the sight of the Gobbledy Gooker in all it’s horrid glory. Legends of Wrestling II was just another game from the series of wrestling games that history will forget about, much like Rocky Maivia. But hey, at least it wasn’t 2K20.